Wife curbs her hus­band’s en­thu­si­asm

Orlando Sentinel - - Obituaries - By Amy Dick­in­son askamy@amy­dick­in­son.com Twit­ter @ask­ingamy Copy­right 2020 by Amy Dick­in­son Dis­trib­uted by Tri­bune Con­tent Agency

Dear Amy: I have been hap­pily mar­ried for over 20 years. I love my wife and our son and daugh­ter.

My wife and I are on the same page on most things, ex­cept for one big one: She wants to es­tab­lish roots and stay in one place for her en­tire life so that her kids have a place to come home to from col­lege and to bring our grand­chil­dren (when they have them).

I am dif­fer­ent. I want out of our ho­moge­nous bub­ble of a Cal­i­for­nia town. Our friends are mostly my wife’s friends, be­cause I have a Larry David kind of brain and of­ten­times things come out of my mouth that tend to rub peo­ple the wrong way.

Both of our kids will be at­tend­ing col­lege in Ge­or­gia. In my mind, that cre­ates an op­por­tu­nity for us to start an ad­ven­ture and move there for a few years. Live in Sa­van­nah, play some golf, do some fish­ing, play some ten­nis, etc.

My wife dis­agrees. She has her mother to take care of, but Amy, her mother could live for an­other five to eight years. And she wants to have our home be­come the one our kids will bring their chil­dren to.

I feel like I am stuck in a bub­ble-prison. The things that I would have liked to do in my life seem to be slip­ping away.

Is that just life? Do I have to give up on my dreams be­cause they don’t in­ter­sect with my wife’s?

When I try to push my agenda, my wife feels like she has to make an im­pos­si­ble choice be­tween her hus­band and her mom.

Of course, her guilt chooses her mom, so where does that leave me?

— Ge­or­gia on My Mind

Dear Ge­or­gia: Your self­i­den­ti­fi­ca­tion as a “Larry David” type makes me want to ap­plaud your hon­esty — and give your wife a medal.

I’ll be your (un­of­fi­cial) ad­ju­di­ca­tor: Your wife’s de­sire/need to take care of her mother is more im­por­tant than your de­sire/need to pull her away to hang on the golf course and play some ten­nis, Larry.

And please don’t start the clock on your moth­erin-law’s life span.

You and your wife both seem to have un­re­al­is­tic ex­pec­ta­tions for your fu­ture — you want to be footloose, and she seems to be­lieve that your two chil­dren will quickly mul­ti­ply and bring a pas­sel of grand­chil­dren back to the homestead.

This grand­child-cen­tered plan of hers might be well over a decade off or not hap­pen at all.

You might be able to split the dif­fer­ence, how­ever. If you have the means, per­haps you could de­camp for a few weeks to Ge­or­gia, rent a place and see if your wife can join you for a week or two. Get­ting out of the bub­ble, even briefly, might in­spire both of you to think about your op­tions in a new way.

Dear Amy: Now that spring is here, with the in­creased us­age of our parks and trails, there is an is­sue re­gard­ing noise.

When some­one chooses to use their smart­phone’s speak­er­phone while walk­ing, I’d like to ask them to please speak in a nor­mal voice.

It is ir­ri­tat­ing when we can hear your loud voice a block away.

— Steve in Den­ver

Dear Steve: For some rea­son, the am­pli­fi­ca­tion of a speak­er­phone seems to in­spire the other per­son to also raise their speak­ing vol­ume.

I agree that this is really an­noy­ing — and a vi­o­la­tion of the pri­vacy of both par­ties.

And to you grand­par­ents Face­Tim­ing your grand­kids while walk­ing around? Please stop.

How­ever, for me, be­ing ir­ri­tated by this sort of thing harkens back to an­other time, when it might have qual­i­fied as an an­noy­ance head­line.

This rel­a­tively mi­nor ir­ri­ta­tion would qual­ify as a com­fort right now, but I “hear” you, and I hope oth­ers will, too.

Dear Amy: I ap­pre­ci­ated your ex­pla­na­tion of how flawed the IQ test is.

When I was a kid, ap­par­ently, I tested very high. My par­ents used this high score (they never told me what it was) to ba­si­cally pun­ish me when­ever I didn’t get a per­fect grade. They were all, “You’re ge­nius-level smart, but you’re not do­ing well enough.”

They as­sumed I was lazy. Hon­estly, I was just a kid.

I’ve re­jected the en­tire con­struct, be­cause, as you pointed out, scores do not pre­dict how well you do in life.

— Suc­cess­ful

Dear Suc­cess­ful: For­tu­nately, par­ent­ing is graded on a curve.

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