Ceiling fans: To see or not to see, that is the question

COMMENTARY its rod like Tarzan, threatening to fall and decapitate us.

Wouldn’t that be a fitting end? “Home columnist beheaded by her own ceiling fan!”

While I duck for cover, he calmly turns the fan off. “Time for a new fan,” he says.

“We can’t just fix it?” “This fan is a piece of (cannot print).”

Frankly, until now, I’d never paid much attention to our ceiling fans indoors or out. They were givens. They came along with the house like doors and sinks. But now that decapitation was imminent, I’m noticing that the two, once-white, outdoor fans had become rickety and yellow with age.

The next minute, my husband is on his laptop shopping for ceiling fans. Now we’re in real trouble. He is out of his depth.

“Look at this one,” he points to one with oversized palm fronds as blades.

“Uh, no, this isn’t a

Tommy Bahama store,” I say.

“Oh, this one is cool!”

“It looks like a helicopter propeller.”

“Well, what do you want?”

“A fan that doesn’t say look at me, like we have now but newer.”

“I want one you notice.” He keeps scrolling.

“Noticeable fans are like women who wear red shoes.”

“I don’t want boring.” “You only wear red shoes when you don’t want someone to look at your face.” “Well, I want a change.” To nip this fast, I call Darby Serra, the national sales director for Dan’s Fan City, where he’s worked for 30 years. The company sells fans online and through 50 stores in a handful of states.

“Many people don’t appreciate the comfort and cost savings ceiling fans provide,” said Serra, sounding well-scripted. “By evening out the temperature in a room, ceiling fans make air conditioners work less.”

Excited about his subject, he continues, “Fans blow air down into a room like a cone, pushing the air at the base of the cone up the wall and back into the fan, to circulate.”

“That’s enough math for one day,” I interrupt, because what I really want to talk about is how to pick a fan before my husband hits the buy-now button. Happy