Adult son is back at home, terrible table manners in tow

with his unexpectedly savage behavior.

I didn’t bring him up that way. What do you suggest?

Gentle reader: Welcome back to Family Dinner. If you recall, those were the occasions on which you taught not only table manners but also conversation, nutrition, pretending interest in how others spent the day and other such basic skills of civilization.

Time for a refresher course.

Miss Manners understands that the remedial approach should be somewhat different. Perhaps not “because I’m your mother, and I say so” or even, “You don’t want to make a bad impression on others” — because your son has, presumably, been getting along for some time (either without business lunches or among other gobblers). Although maybe that’s why he is living by himself.

But health arguments, which have no effect on children, work with grownups. If you are not afraid that he will choke on those huge, unchewed bites, you should be. Please insist that he slow down so that you are not in terror of having to having to perform a Heimlich maneuver.

Dear Miss Manners: If I call in a grocery order and drive to the store to pick it up, should I tip the person who brings it to my car? He or she is probably not the person who filled the order.

Gentle reader: No, but he or she is taking a risk to help get the order to you. If you want to add another tip, asking that person to take it to whoever did fill the order, Miss Manners would consider it gracious.

Dear Miss Manners:

We’ll soon be visiting a relative who moved into his home less than a year ago.

My wife and I agree that a housewarming gift is appropriate but agree on little else.

You see, I think one roll of toilet paper is adequate, but my wife feels that I am being cheap. She thinks we should give two rolls, which I think would be ostentatious. Would you please settle this argument? (We’re talking twoply here.)

Gentle reader: Tee-hee. But if Miss Manners declared a winner, you would only have to think of another way to amuse yourselves in confinement.

Dear Miss Manners: Iam supposed to be having my bridal shower this summer. I am trying to have a backup plan, just in case I can’t. I don’t plan on sending my invites out until a month before, but at that time I will want to know whether I will have it or not.

What do you think I should send people if I don’t have it and how I should word it? Also, some people know we have registered, so should I mention it’s optional to get us a gift and send the registry info with it?

Gentle reader: Consider yourself saved from the pathos of throwing your own bridal shower. That is an event that a bride’s devoted friends may decide that they want to give her.

And while it is always wrong to solicit presents, Miss Manners considers this a particularly inopportune time to do so.