Cheers for fears
These scares don’t wait for Halloween
Orlando’s theme parks don’t feature any yearround full-blown Halloween attractions, but there are scares available every day of the week. It’s common to encounter unnerving moments presenting (false) peril despite the area’s rep as a family-friendly market.
I’m flashing back to a haunted house experience at Beech Bend Park in western Kentucky about (checks abacus) 101 years ago. I’ve grown to be able to shake it off, mostly, so here’s a list of my favorite frights to appreciate.
On the house
What: Haunted Mansion, Magic Kingdom
Scare tactics: The standard bearer of dark, dark rides, with creative creepy themes in every turn, including a hatchet-wielding widow, a levitating head, spirited graveyard, dark hallways, unexplained noises, red-eyed ravens and a series of eerie narrations (“Hurry baaaack”) set to organ music. The stage is set with the famed stretching room with its perhapsa-step-too-far climax.
Not so scary: There’s so much to look down at in the ballroom scene, there’s no time to be scared. And we look forward to the opera singer and the “Grim Grinning Ghosts” performances in the graveyard.
Harried and Hogwarts
What: Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey, Islands of Adventure.
Scare tactics: Big spider, fire-breathing dragon and the sensation that the ride vehicle might go completely upside down. (But it doesn’t. Honest.) The dementors have always reminded us of the pop-up scares in Haunted Mansion.
Not so scary: The story glides through a quidditch match and back into Hogwarts for a hero’s welcome.
Dropping inn
What: Tower of Terror, Disney’s Hollywood Studios.
Scare tactics: Screams from up high upon approach, dark passageways, claustrophobia, “Twilight Zone” music, dour cast members and imminent elevator mishaps.
Not so scary: Hmmmm, maybe the gift shop. Who doesn’t like to ring the bellhop bell?
Wet and wait
What: Journey to Atlantis, SeaWorld Orlando.
Scare tactics: Honestly, this isn’t the fright fest it was before a refurbishment about six years ago. Gone is the spooky mythology theme, replaced with more of a bioluminescent “it’s a small world” vibe. The scare is, “Is something about to happen?” The drop is significant and leads to the other question,
“Wait, is this a coaster?” (SeaWorld calls it a hybrid but includes it in its roller-coaster count.)
Not so scary: Folks on dry land who pay to squirt riders after the big drop and before things get rolling again.
Dinosaur dive
What: Jurassic Park River Adventure, Islands of Adventure.
Scare tactics: There’s lots of build-up floating amid prehistoric animals, then entering a dark building where something has gone terribly wrong, a common theme-park ride thread. Finally, there’s a
too-close encounter with a roaring tyrannosaurus.
Not so scary: After splashdown, theme music accompanies the return to the loading station, and it feels cinematic.
Bonus: Alienated
What: RIP, ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter, Magic Kingdom.
Scare tactics: A moment of silence for the departed Alien attraction that was too much for Tomorrowland. The theater in the round was marked by darkness, unnerving effects built into the seats, a threatening, on-the-loose creature and wigged-out
children. But mostly, we remember a pre-show where the playful Skippy character was transported across the room, which might have been marvelous were Skippy not so charred upon arrival.
Not so scary: Later, the attraction was turned into a lighter one called Stitch’s Great Escape, but now it’s mostly dormant, sometimes a character meeting spot, sometimes a stroller parking area. It’s wrong to dance on one’s grave, but it is the spooky season, so go right ahead if the spirit moves you.