Traumatized friend now causes more concern

DEAR AMY >> A decade back, as a Latino college student in my 30s, I became friends with an older Black student.

We have been friends ever since. I’ve been supportive and helpful.

Right before the pandemic, she shared with me that she was confronting childhood sexual trauma.

She moved nearby, and I have been visiting with her once a month.

Since then, she has moved from one extreme to another regarding pandemic, anti-mask, election fraud, anti-Asian and antiSemitic and “flat earth” conspiracies. Throughout, I have listened with curiosity and empathy, but she continues to dig in.

She is increasingly condescending to the point where it is harming me. She treats me as naive or stupid.

I was in therapy for five years before I felt competent and confronted my own trauma.

I want to tell her that I believe she is avoiding confronting her trauma by engaging in conspiracy theories to grasp control, but I have a feeling that’s not the right route.

I also want to cut her off and not engage with her anymore, because she doesn’t want to talk about anything else.

What should I do?

— Ready to Bolt

DEAR READY >> You should urge your friend to get therapy, which helped you to recover from your own trauma.

You can’t try to help her if you’ve already given up on her.

I don’t think you should attempt to argue the facts regarding her various beliefs and conspiracy theories. Nor do I think you should try to explain to her why you believe she is behaving this way. You could use your own past experience to relate to her, and then offer her some help.

Gentle loving kindness is called for. Share your resources with her, including the name of your therapist (your therapist could possibly refer her to another), as well as the contact for the National Sexual Assault Hotline: RAINN.org.

And then you should continue with your own self-care and hope that she gets help.

DEAR AMY >> I take issue with your reply to “Wondering,” in which you suggest that it is improper to ask whether someone has been vaccinated against COVID unless the questioner is “medically vulnerable.”

We are all medically vulnerable since the vaccines are not 100 percent effective and, apparently, become less effective over time.

My wife and I don’t want to be near unvaccinated people because they are more likely to transmit the virus.

It’s way past time to stop treating this question as an intrusion into personal choice. This is not religion and it shouldn’t be politics. It’s a public health crisis.

— Fed-Up

DEAR FED -UP >> Your response is representative of many I’ve received.

I don’t ask, mainly because I trust my own vaccine to protect me from serious illness — and I simply don’t want to discuss it.