Addiction is a family disease
Information on drug addiction or substance abuse with various pills scattered over the page
DEAR AMY >> My husband’s daughter is addicted to drugs — namely, Fentanyl.
When she randomly contacts us, he allows her to play this game where it’s everyone’s fault but her own.
She recently committed a serious crime and instead of confronting her and putting the responsibility onto her, he allowed her to drag him into the rabbit hole of believing it was someone else’s fault.
It doesn’t seem healthy to me. She should be held responsible for her own actions.
It may not be our place to confront her, but I also don’t think he should feed her ideas that she is not responsible for what she did. What do you think?
— Upset Stepparent
DEAR UPSET >> I agree with you. But you are not this daughter’s parent.
Your position as a stepparent is both an asset and an impediment.
On the one hand, you are in an ideal position to identify the enabling structure of your husband’s relationship with her.
On the other, you lack empathy for this particular parent. Your frustration seems to have gotten in the way of your compassion.
Both of you should urge your daughter toward rehab and recovery. That’s it. Everything else is just noise: her noise (excuses, blaming, self-hatred), his noise (buying her flimsy cover-ups) — and yours, too.
Change might happen when both you and your husband simply stay quiet. He needs to stop filling in his daughter’s sentences.
You should be supportive and compassionate toward him, while guarding your own life, home, and bank account.
I highly recommend a “friends and family” support group for you. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration runs a very useful “help line,” connecting family members to local groups for help. Check samhsa.gov for more.
DEAR AMY >> Regarding “Old Messy House Dweller,” the website for the National Association of Senior and Specialty Move Managers lists professionals who assist people with downsizing, selling, moving, etc., in terms of culling and disposing of possessions.
A search by an individual’s ZIP code will provide of local consultants.