Oroville Mercury-Register

Two friends share an awkward movie moment


DEAR AMY » I am a recent college grad, home looking for full-time work. I’m looking to move somewhere new, make new friends, and live my young adult life to its fullest.

While home and job hunting, I have spent the summer reconnecti­ng with an old friend/flame, “Toby.” Toby and I have been talking casually on and off for a little over a year.

When we didn’t see eye to eye in what we were looking for in a romantic partner, we decided to remain friends instead, something I am proud of.

Toby is leaving the U.S. to attend grad school overseas and I am sad to see him go. While there is still some chemistry between us, I also hate to see someone I care about move so far away.

Leading up to his departure, we’ve been getting together for fun, casual activities.

Recently, I was invited over to his house, where we sat and talked all night about our friendship, relationsh­ip, and individual goals for the future.

In a moment of silence seemingly out of a movie, we locked eyes, and Toby very calmly said, “I love you.”

I was at a loss for words like I’ve never been before. This was not my goal for the evening, and he says it wasn’t his either; he felt it in the moment and decided he should let me know.

I am flattered, but feeling a lot of things: adored, caught off guard, and somewhat betrayed by our pact at friendship.

Any advice for this sticky situation?

— Really Confused!

DEAR CONFUSED! » “Toby” is leaving the country for the next many months. If there were ever a moment to express your sincere love for someone — this would be it! Referring to your cinematic moment: Isn’t this how Harry finally really “met” Sally — by confessing a love for her that went beyond their friendship?

Is Toby expressing romantic love, friendship love, kinship love? It might be all three. Maybe it’s the somewhat grasping utterance of a guy whose ship is about to sail.

Or maybe it’s the moment-of-truth statement from a person who is seeing his own life with some clarity — and wants to be honest with you, before you both start new phases of your lives.

You have the next few months to communicat­e with Toby about this. He has been honest, and you should be, too.

DEAR AMY » Thank you for correcting the terminolog­y of “Not Meant to be a Mother,” when she referred to an adopted baby as “any old baby.”

We adoptive parents understand that what you said is true: Our adopted children are “real” and unique, and very much ours.

— Happy Parent

DEAR PARENT » This woman was grieving her own loss; I hope that her recovery brings insight into the possibilit­ies of adoption. But she is simply not ready.

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