Two friends share an awkward movie moment

DEAR AMY » I am a recent college grad, home looking for full-time work. I’m looking to move somewhere new, make new friends, and live my young adult life to its fullest.

While home and job hunting, I have spent the summer reconnecting with an old friend/flame, “Toby.” Toby and I have been talking casually on and off for a little over a year.

When we didn’t see eye to eye in what we were looking for in a romantic partner, we decided to remain friends instead, something I am proud of.

Toby is leaving the U.S. to attend grad school overseas and I am sad to see him go. While there is still some chemistry between us, I also hate to see someone I care about move so far away.

Leading up to his departure, we’ve been getting together for fun, casual activities.

Recently, I was invited over to his house, where we sat and talked all night about our friendship, relationship, and individual goals for the future.

In a moment of silence seemingly out of a movie, we locked eyes, and Toby very calmly said, “I love you.”

I was at a loss for words like I’ve never been before. This was not my goal for the evening, and he says it wasn’t his either; he felt it in the moment and decided he should let me know.

I am flattered, but feeling a lot of things: adored, caught off guard, and somewhat betrayed by our pact at friendship.

Any advice for this sticky situation?

— Really Confused!

DEAR CONFUSED! » “Toby” is leaving the country for the next many months. If there were ever a moment to express your sincere love for someone — this would be it! Referring to your cinematic moment: Isn’t this how Harry finally really “met” Sally — by confessing a love for her that went beyond their friendship?

Is Toby expressing romantic love, friendship love, kinship love? It might be all three. Maybe it’s the somewhat grasping utterance of a guy whose ship is about to sail.

Or maybe it’s the moment-of-truth statement from a person who is seeing his own life with some clarity — and wants to be honest with you, before you both start new phases of your lives.

You have the next few months to communicate with Toby about this. He has been honest, and you should be, too.

DEAR AMY » Thank you for correcting the terminology of “Not Meant to be a Mother,” when she referred to an adopted baby as “any old baby.”

We adoptive parents understand that what you said is true: Our adopted children are “real” and unique, and very much ours.

— Happy Parent

DEAR PARENT » This woman was grieving her own loss; I hope that her recovery brings insight into the possibilities of adoption. But she is simply not ready.