Generous father plans a blues cruise

DEAR AMY » I am a father to four adult children and a stepson. All are married or have long-term partners, except for my youngest.

I have been with my current girlfriend and her two teenagers for over five years.

I decided, when the first vaccine for COVID was nearing approval, to invite all my children and their spouses/partners on a seven-day cruise next year, all expenses paid.

Initially, I thought I would have my unattached youngest daughter share a room with her brother and his girlfriend.

In discussing this with her, she instead asked if she could bring her best friend, and as I was paying for everyone else’s partner, it seemed fair that she could also bring someone.

I told her yes and paid for all the reservations and airfares.

When my girlfriend found out about this arrangement, she was livid, insisting that the best friend (whom we had never met) was not a family member and should pay her own way.

My girlfriend is threatening not to go, nor will she allow her two children to accompany us.

My girlfriend has never gotten along with my youngest very well, but she insists that her issue is entirely about family vs. others.

I am at a loss as how to proceed.

I would feel terrible uninviting the best friend. My daughter might refuse to come. Other family members might drop out.

On the other hand, all my children are adults, so my relationship with my girlfriend should be a priority for me, right?

— Generous to a Fault

DEAR GENEROUS » You are not married to your girlfriend. She is not contributing money toward this extravagant and generous trip. If your girlfriend is differentiating between “family” and “other,” does she alone get to decide who falls into what category?

None of the burden of planning or paying for this trip falls to her. Some people might have offered to include this “best friend” only if the friend paid for her own passage and expenses — but you aren’t doing it that way. And, as it is your dime, you get to choose how to spend it.

Quite literally, your girlfriend’s only job is to show up with her children, accept your generosity, and enjoy herself. You should tell her that the offer of this trip is still on the table, and you hope that she and her children will accept it, but that the final decision is hers to make.