Family vacation might be riled by new spouse
DEAR AMY » My husband, kids, and I live in a different state than most of my family.
We are planning a trip to my family’s state and would like to invite my parents and grandmothers to rent a cabin for a few nights.
I don’t see my grandmothers often as they are not well enough to travel too far.
I want to be able to enjoy a wonderful and relaxing trip with them as I am worried about the amount of time I have left to spend with them.
I want to create happy memories with them, my parents, and children together. My grandmothers get along great and often spend time together. They are both widowed, but one of them remarried about a year ago.
Amy, this man is rude and pretentious and makes everyone uncomfortable.
We all keep our feelings to ourselves and are respectful when we have been around him, but my parents and my other grandmother are not a fan of this man.
I worry spending a whole weekend with him would be too much for everyone.
His presence would likely turn this relaxing time with my family into a weekend revolving around his lectures, narcissistic antics, and drama.
Is it selfish of me to only want to spend this precious time with those that bring happiness? Would it be wrong of me to only invite my grandmother and not her condescending new spouse?
How might I extend this exclusive invite? Or is there a polite and discreet way to ask he not make this trip a disagreeable one?
— Happy Memories Only
DEAR HAPPY » Your grandmother chose to marry, and when she did, the man she married entered your family. For better and — it seems — for worse: he is there.
It is not selfish of you to want “only happiness,” but no family can be guaranteed only happy experiences or happy memories. Every family must deal with the challenges presented by their reality.
I suggest that you issue this invitation to everyone, and then do your best to manage this disruptive new family member during your weekend together.
If you establish a baseline willingness to stand up to him: (“Excuse me, ‘Steve,’ but I’d love to hear what my grandmother thinks) you might have a better time.