Cross-atlantic romance hits snag over driving
I met my boyfriend online last year. He lives in the U.K.; I’m in the U.S. I love him dearly and we talk about moving in together within the next year. The original plan was for him to emigrate, since I am closer to my family and have an established job. However, I’m a bit worried because he doesn’t drive. It’s not just because of the learning curve it will take to switch sides of the road, but he doesn’t drive in the U.K. either.
I recently asked him why he doesn’t, and he said he’s worried he will relapse. He was addicted to drugs when he was young but has been clean for years. I don’t judge him for his past; I’m proud of who he is now. But I’m worried about having to drive both of us when we live together because my city doesn’t have the best public transportation. Is there a way to bring up trying to drive in the U.S. without putting him in a bad spot? Or is there no way around this?
-- ONLY DRIVER IN
DEAR ONLY DRIVER:
Has this person been to
Abigail Van Buren the U.S. to visit you before? If he hasn’t, and doesn’t have a job that would prevent it, why not invite him to stay for three or four weeks? That way you could decide if providing all of his transportation would be workable and not too stressful in the long term for you.
Frankly, I don’t see the connection between his former drug habit and his concern about driving an automobile. The two of you need to get to know each other a lot better before either of you decides to uproot your lives and relocate. If your relationship continues to grow, it might make more sense for you to move to the U.K.
Where do I begin? I’ve been a loyal reader of your column for years. I have been married to my current husband for 14 not-good years. He was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure and cardiomyopathy seven years ago and hasn’t had a job since then. We have a daughter who will be 7 soon. I feel he could solve these problems by taking his medication and dieting. However, he insists his medical conditions keep him from working.
He doesn’t take care of our daughter and doesn’t do anything around the house. I take out the trash, wash the dishes, give the little one a bath, brush her teeth and hair and take care of ALL the bills. He makes excuse after excuse. I’ve been the provider for too damn long. Please help.
-- TIRED IN CALIFORNIA
You stated that you have been married to this man for 14 “not-good” years. Nowhere in your letter did you mention whether there is any love left between you. Does your husband’s DOC
TOR agree that his medical conditions prevent him from working? Ask the question! If the answer is yes, you will then have to decide whether you can live up to your vow regarding “in sickness and in health.” If the answer is no, make an appointment with a family law attorney and inquire about your options and what your responsibilities to him may be should you decide to separate or divorce.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Actor-director Woody Allen is 87. World Golf Hall of Famer Lee Trevino is 83. Singer Dianne Lennon (The Lennon Sisters) is 83. Television producer David Salzman is 79. Rock singer-musician Eric Bloom (Blue Oyster Cult) is 78. Rock musician John Densmore (The Doors) is 78. Actor-singer Bette Midler is 77. Singer Gilbert O’Sullivan is 76.