“I await my death at the hands of overzeal­ous ro­bot bas­tards”

Why try­ing to be nice doesn’t pay in No Man’s Sky


Ag­gres­sion just isn’t in my na­ture. I’m the kind of per­son who will apol­o­gize to a lamp­post if I bump into it, which is why I’ve been en­joy­ing get­ting back into No Man’s Sky’s space ex­plo­ration, gen­tly pot­ter­ing from one planet to an­other while giv­ing any an­i­mal I find an amus­ing name. I like to avoid con­flict, but some­times, con­flict ends up find­ing me. While out ex­plor­ing a rot­ten planet I pull into an out­post with a Vy’keen in­spect­ing a clip­board in­side. Think­ing I might get some use­ful lan­guage ad­vice or direc­tions, I speak to him—he’s re­ally wor­ried about some­thing and in need of aid. Think­ing it would be a sim­ple bounty or search and res­cue mis­sion, I agree. “Steal the plans from a nearby de­pot.” Oh. I’m not keen on be­ing a thief, but the poor lad seemed so dis­tressed I fig­ure I can at least have a look.

Half a minute later I’m land­ing just out­side where I’ve been di­rected and clam­ber out of my craft. In­stant re­gret. A hand­ful of drones and a ro­bot dog ma­te­ri­al­ize from thin air and start at­tack­ing me. I don’t want to deal with this non­sense, so I jump back into my ship and dis­ap­pear, de­cid­ing to ig­nore this mis­sion from now on. The only prob­lem is that the mis­sion re­fuses to ig­nore me.

I reach a drop pod and set down to have a quick look at what I need to se­cure an ex­o­suit up­grade when all hell breaks loose. A walker ap­pears from nowhere and starts laser­ing me, the earth jud­der­ing with ev­ery one of its giant steps. I try to make a break for it, but I’m sur­rounded by drones. I sprint back to my ship and try to es­cape, but my thrusters are empty. This is not where I ever thought I’d end up. I didn’t even know it was pos­si­ble to get a five-star wanted rat­ing in a game about find­ing an­i­mals and giv­ing them silly names.

Fi­nally I cob­ble to­gether what I need to launch and blast off away from this fu­ri­ous, fungal cesspit of a planet. I let out a re­lieved sigh—the tor­ment is over. Ex­cept it isn’t. Did you know that Sen­tinels also have their own space ships and they’re a mil­lion times tougher than any of the boun­ties you typ­i­cally face? I take out the first, lone Sentinel with some dif­fi­culty, but three more ap­pear. At this point I’ve had enough and throw in the space towel. I await my even­tual death at the hands of these overzeal­ous ro­bot bas­tards.

I try to get out…

I respawn back in a space sta­tion hanger with­out my cargo and take a deep breath and shut down the game. Maybe I’m not cut out for this, I just wanted to be help­ful. But, of course, I don’t stop. I can’t re­sist the pull of things maybe be­ing bet­ter over the next hori­zon. Even when No Man’s Sky throws its worst at me I still can’t stop lov­ing that prom­ise of ex­cit­ing new dis­cov­er­ies just around the bend. Though next time I’m play­ing in creative mode.

I can’t re­sist the pull of things maybe be­ing bet­ter over the next hori­zon


THIS MONTH Learned never to do any fa­vors for aliens. ALSO PLAYED StardewVal­ley, Over­cooked2

The mo­ment I vowed never to help an­other Vy’keen.

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