To the douchebag who smashed through my gar­den wall last night, ex­pect to be hear­ing from my lawyer. Not only have you wrought un­holy de­struc­tion on my prize-win­ning petu­nias (a sev­enth place rosette in this sum­mer's Am­ble­side in Bloom flower show and tombola, no less), you've proven my un­en­light­ened neigh­bors cor­rect in their claims that stack­ing 'bricks' made of poly­styrene pack­ing peanuts wrapped in gaffer tape does not a wall make. Rub­bish, I say! From a dis­tance of a mile or so out, the ef­fect was INDISTINGUISHABLE from a real stone wall—un­til some in­con­sid­er­ate loser went and drove through the bloody thing. an - Barkley Flum­mox, Am­ble­side

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