“Thousands of people helped me, and they never even knew it”
FINAL FANTASY XIV versus maternity
After sharing loads of exciting new info for the upcoming Endwalker expansion and celebrating all things Final Fantasy XIV at the FFXIV Fan Festival back in May, the game’s music director Masayoshi Soken got up on stage and revealed he had been battling cancer over the last year. The revelation shocked fans and his colleagues as he kept the entire thing secret. He said he didn’t want to worry anyone, and revealed that working towards something for the sake of the fans helped him keep going. “Videogames can really heal,” he said, while everyone fought back tears on stage.
It was an incredibly poignant moment that resonated with many players, who soon started sharing their own stories of how FFXIV and its community helped them, be that by relating to the character’s struggles or through making friends in game. My story is a little more mundane. There was no fateful friendly meeting or special story beat that saved me—it was the simple sight of strangers silently going about their business that I found healing.
I had my daughter back in 2018, and while it was a joyous occasion, with many people joking about how I wouldn’t have time for gaming anymore, I found myself incredibly isolated. The adjustment was hard, and I found myself glued to the sofa with a depression diagnosis. At first I didn’t think I could play FFXIV anymore—how can you commit to playing any dungeons when you might have to drop out at any second to feed your helpless little flesh potato? I was afraid to let anyone down. “At least I can craft,” I told myself when I finally plucked up the courage to try returning. While I parked my character in Ul’Dah and slowly started working on my crafting logs, other players would run past me, interacting with marketboards or emoting at friends. It felt nice to be in a crowd—even if it wasn’t in real life there were still real people behind those characters.
GOLDEN TEARS
Eventually I tried doing some short trial and raid boss fights, and the more often I logged on, even if it was only for 15 minutes at a time, the less lonely I felt. Just knowing I could exist in a space alongside others, even though it wasn’t ‘real’, felt empowering. I could be a part of something for someone else’s journey. All of those brief moments, those snapshots into other people’s lives as they handed in quests and teleported into town, were enough to make me feel a little more human and a little more like myself again. Thousands of people helped me out of a dark place just by existing in FFXIV, and they never even knew it. That’s the healing power of games.
AN INCREDIBLY POIGNANT MOMENT THAT RESONATED WITH MANY PLAYERS