Happy Father’s Day to all dads

Editor’s note: This column was originally published on April 26, 1992, in the Benton County Daily Record and is being republished in honor of Father’s Day. Happy birthday, Daddy. Thank you for all youv’e done over the years. For taking care of, not only my needs, but also my desires.

Anyone can be a father; but it takes someone special to be a daddy.

That’s not original with me, but it describes you well.

It seems that over the years I’ve taken more than I gave. You’ve endured my moodiness, my fickleness, my learning to drive, my college expenses, the formals. the dating trials, a wedding and then grandchildren.

It seems like only yesterday that you and Mother went on a trip when I was a teen-age girl and you left me with the car charging me with the responsibility of behaving. I didn’t. In fact, I wrecked the car.

I fretted and worried for two days until you returned and then I offered you my driver’s license and to pay for the car.

You very graciously said that I had already whipped myself enough and you didn’t punish me. I’m not sure I am as gracious as a parent.

So many times you could have given up. But, you didn’t.

It seems like only yesterday you were saying something about all of us growing up and graduating from high school. Now, we’re all grown up and scattered, but you are the central point that brings us all back together again.

Every year on your birthday, Christmas and Father’s Day, I consider every possible gift. And every year, I say: “What do you get a person how has everything?”

Our family has been blessed with longevity. I’ve not ever seen you growing older. Today you are 68 — an age I remember thinking was old. (The closer I get, the younger it looks.)

Thank you for the stability, the support, the love — I’ve learned much from you, from your life and actions, much more so than from your words.

Usually, when writing a column, I envision the readers … today is different.

Today, to the best of our knowledge, is my daddy’s last birthday. He is fighting cancer — it’s going to be the only battle he ever lost.

I write to him as a birthday gift. I write also to you to remind you to tell the special people in your life what they mean to you before it’s too late.

Although fathers’ roles have not changed as drastically as have mothers’ in the past several decades, fathers do face differing opinions about their roles.

Today’s wives demand more from their husbands. Yesterday’s roles seemed cast with the father simply being the breadwinner and the mother keeping the house and the children.

All too often today’s dads are so caught in their business, their hobbies, recreation physical fitness, television and whatever else catches their fancy (and time) that the family gets the leftovers.

Children need both parents. They need the unconditional love their parents should give to them. They need the two different personalities and parenting styles.

Studies show that from infancy children respond differently to fathers than to mothers. Generally the child is rather businesslike with mom. The mother is generally the care giver. She bathes, feeds, changes and dresses the little one.

Contrastingly, the baby is more likely to be playful with the father, according to T. Berry Brazelton, pediatrician and author. Usually the father is the one who will bounce, throw and/or tickle the baby.

With today’s singleparent homes, double-income homes and blended families, I realize the generalizations may seem over simplistic. But … this is what the research has shown.

Dads, you’re important to your children.

Granddads, you hold a special place in your children’s and grandchildren’s lives.

More than anything else, it takes time to build memories. We never know when our time will run out. Dads, use your time wisely. Your child will more readily remember that walk by the creek than he will the expensive toy you worked overtime to purchase. He’ll sooner appreciate your pitching a little ball, or going fishing, or just listening to his latest tale than he will your devotion to work that keeps you too preoccupied to pay attention to him.

It may take a little work, but the dividends are worth more than any other you’ll ever earn.