Life happens when waiting on ‘normal’
For many years I wrote a column entitled Out of Mind for the Benton County Daily Democrat (which became the Benton County Daily Record in 1988). The title was intended to be a double entendre — meaning both whatever comes “out of my mind” or that I was going “out of my mind” because I had four children 4 years of age and younger.
Ironically now, that doesn’t seem all that demanding.
I remember watching other mothers at church who had four or more children and thinking they had “a lot” of children.
Some friends who were about 10 years older than I was had teen-age children and I thought they “had it all together.” They seemed so wise and capable.
I felt incapable and had more questions than answers.
Each of them assured me they did not “have it all together” as I too oft presumed. But, I’m not sure I believed them.
For years, my friends and I worked in the church nursery. I clearly remember two of us visiting one day wondering where all those mothers and grandmothers in their 40s and 50s were and why they weren’t working in nursery. Surely, they didn’t have anything to do and their lives were relatively easy.
How little did I realize that each stage of parenting and then grandparenting can keep you extremely busy!
It took me years to recognize that I didn’t need to worry about what anyone else was doing. I just needed to “mind my own business” and do what I was called to do.
Years ago, I had far more advice about parenting than I do now.
Now, my nine children range from 21 to 38, and seven of them are parents themselves. Most of them parent a bit differently than I did. But, they are each responsible, capable adults, spouses, parents.
They are each very unique individuals and I’m grateful and honored to be their mother.
Years ago, I heard this quote: “Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories.”
It’s relatively easy to advise when not in the trenches, but reality has a way of changing glib answers into profound questions and even more obtuse answers. At one point, there were five teenage girls in our home. Teens become adults who know everything and then move on and establish their own homes and form their own questions, develop their own answers.
For more than 40 years, I’ve thought that life would get back to normal after various events.
After the baby is born, after she learns to walk, after she’s potty trained, after she learns to talk … after she becomes a teenager, after she’s married. Somewhere along the way, life kept happening while we were waiting for normal.
Life is full of ups and downs. That baby you adore will grow up and challenge your authority and wisdom and love. You may even be tempted to dislike him or her. But it’s not about you!
Children don’t ask to be born. We parents owe then unconditional love, selfless discipline and teaching and preparation for adulthood. It’s the hardest job there is, but parenting is worth it in the end.
Editor’s note: Annette Beard is the managing editor of The Times of Northeast Benton County, chosen the best small weekly newspaper in Arkansas for five years. A native of Louisiana, she moved to northwest Arkansas in 1980 to work for the Benton County Daily Record. She has nine children, six sons-inlaw, a daughter-in-law, 10 grandsons and six granddaughters.The opinions expressed are those of the author. She can be reached at abeard@nwaonline.com.