Be proud to be a virgin
DEAR HARLAN: I wanted to give you my two cents about virgins. I agree that “Still a Virgin,” who wrote to you in a recent column, needs some help in order to learn how to trust men, but I think she should be proud of the fact that she is a virgin. There are many men who want to marry a virgin rather than someone who has been sleeping around. I have a wonderful daughterin-law who was a virgin when she married my son at 39. They have raised two children who have good morals and are contributing to our society. Don’t put anyone down for being a virgin. It is God’s plan for humanity that both the man and woman be virgins when they marry. — JOAN
DEAR JOAN: I agree with you. And really, anyone can have sex. It’s easy to find. You can ask for it, pay for it (legally) or put yourself in a room with desperate people looking for it. Sex is available for all. The idea of waiting is very attractive. “Still a Virgin” is desirable and dateable. I was speaking at a college the other day, and a girl asked if men will be turned off because she’s a virgin. I explained that guys looking for sex might be — but that’s perfectly fine. Being a virgin can be exciting and interesting. She still can get close to someone without having sex. In fact, she can be sensual and sexual. Not having sex also will mean getting to know someone. It gives her time to figure out if someone wants to get to know her or just have sex with her. If someone wants sex, he can find it from someone else. Time filters out the users and abusers. She came up to me after the event and thanked me. She said it made her feel much more comfortable — it just seems like everyone is having sex. We live in a world where everyone thinks sex is just what you do — but not having sex also is something to do. Virgins should be loud, proud and comfortable sharing the truth and themselves with the right partner.
DEAR HARLAN: My roommate’s snoring wakes me up in the middle of the night and prevents me from going back to sleep. Is plugging my ears and trying to ignore her old-man snoring the only option? — SLEEPLESS DEAR
SLEEPLESS: I snore. At least, I’ve been told. I’m asleep when it happens. My wife wakes me up. She tells me to turn over. So, I turn over. Turning stops it. My wife doesn’t have a problem waking me up. I never wake her up. She gets mad. I don’t like to make her mad. I’d rather work through the problem on my own. That’s the kind of relationship we have. We’ve established boundaries and a communication style. That’s what you need to do with your roommate. Talk to her when she’s awake. Ask her if she is aware that she snores. Then ask if she’s cool with you asking her to turn over. Set the ground rules so you know what you can do — this is setting boundaries. If the problem persists, try some white noise or headphones. You also can suggest she see a doctor. But you don’t plug your ears to the point you can’t hear anything. You want to still hear the fire alarm.
Harlan Cohen is author of “Getting Naked: Five Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life (While Fully Clothed and Totally Sober)” (St. Martin’s Press). Write him at harlan@helpmeharlan.com or visit www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan!, 3501 N. Southport Ave., Suite 226, Chicago, IL 60657.