Villanueva: The Soldier knows of facing fears
“It’s one of those very unfortunate things, especially what happened to Ryan. It’s such a freakish type of injury. But I try not to think about it.
“It’s one of those things, yes, you don’t want any injuries to happen in the game but you have no other option other than going out there and playing.”
Maybe three tours of combat duty in Afghanistan steeled him for the dangers of playing professional football, but it is more complicated than that. He jumped out of aircraft many times in that war zone, yet today Villanueva has other fears.
“I hate flying. I hate flying so much. I hate flying with the team. I constantly think we’re going to crash, nonstop. I mean I get everybody around me nervous. But am I going to drive to Cincinnati?”
Villanueva spoke about the camaraderie opponents have in the game when it comes to protection from injury and he will talk about that later. But the topic turned altogether when he was asked about his fears via the more serious form of combat overseas.
“That’s football right there,’’ Villanueva said, putting that topic aside as we steered the subject matter to real war. “We’re talking specifically about getting hurt overseas in combat.
“The first time I did a mission I was really scared, I mean I was terrified because you realize how things can happen and how things happen. The first time you see somebody die in front of you you’re like ‘holy smokes, this is real.’ You thought maybe the fighting would happen and you envision it and everybody’s alive and then you start seeing that people die, people get hurt. You see limbs.
“One of the first missions I did was to actually carry the limbs and the body parts of a solider from another company. We were bringing them water because they ran out of water. I was doing a really cool mission and I had to go bring them water and as we were linking up he blew up, lost both of his legs. They took him in the medevac and forgot his legs, forgot his body armor, so I had to bring all that stuff back.
“Crazy, crazy stuff. So I think you become at peace with it and say ‘ You know what, if I wake up tomorrow and I get shot, I get shot. I’m doing this because this is exactly where I want to be, with my soldiers and doing something I consider honorable. I’m going to be surrounded by my soldiers who are going to fight with their lives to save me. I would give my life for them, they would give their lives for me.’ So you come at peace with it. If I step on a bomb. Hopefully it’s not terrible, if it is terrible hopefully it’s a quick death. You really come to terms with death.”
He not only fought in Afghanistan, he fought to get back there, which he did two more times for reasons that perhaps he does not even understand.
“The issue is when you come back to the United States. You’re no longer deploying but you have the mentality, the cancer-terminal- sort of mentality that you are just good with anything that happens. Because you can’t have a fear going into missions, so you lose all that fear going into missions. You don’t care if something happens. And all of a sudden you stop, you’re out of the military and into civilian life.
“Now I started developing a fear of flying. I started developing even a fear of bacon because it can give you cancer.
“So you start developing all these things because you’re like ‘holy smokes, I’m a healthy 20-year-old now back in normal society. I have a life expectancy. I don’t have to die tomorrow.’
“It’s a very tough thing to reconcile in your mind. It causes a lot of stress. I think that’s one of the main reasons for PTSD is that I was ready to die and now I don’t have to die.
“It gave me a lot of anxiety. I’ve never talked about this with the media but it did give me a lot of anxiety when I got back. I think that’s one of the reasons I had to go back to Afghanistan, I was fighting to get back to Afghanistan because obviously I just didn’t feel comfortable.”
It is why he joined the Army Rangers.
“That was the only reason I went to the Rangers because that was the fastest way to get back to Afghanistan.”
The story of how he ventured from that to the Steelers has been well told, and while he is able to put aside the fear of injury in his profession, it does not mean he won’t take precautions. Often that is shared among his sporting foes, including a Baltimore Ravens linebacker he may face again Sunday night.
“In the NFL there are a lot of unwritten rules among players,’’ Villanueva said. “A great example: C.J. Mosley, the last time we played them, I think Le’veon [Bell] blocked him, he fell on my legs and he automatically sprung up, was really concerned, helped me up. You try to avoid those things.
“I’m very conscious all the time. You want to play the game as hard as you can but avoiding things you might be able to control.”
He called it “Cooperation block awareness.”
“Sometimes I’m blocking a linebacker and the linebacker will tap me on the shoulder and say ‘Hey man, the play’s over, he’s fallen already,’ because you’re right in front of the play, and then I’ll move my legs over real quick.
“It’s a very physical sport, I think it’s built into the equation why we receive so much money and why the sport gets so much attention.”
He and his Steelers teammates will take the field again Sunday night, six days after the terrible injury to Ryan Shazier Some will think about not just winning and losing but surviving physically.
“I pray Shay is fine,” Ramon Foster said, “and Shay gets back to normal, whatever that is, and we go from there, he goes from there, you know?”
‘‘ ’’ I think that’s one of the main reasons for [Posttraumatic Stress Disorder] is that I was ready to die and now I don’t have to die. Alejandro Villanueva