Financial therapists dig deep into human relationships with money
Some long-held beliefs can be changed
After devastating wildfires swept through northern California in October destroying thousands of homes and structures and killing more than 30 people, Mary Ann Messina-Fiorilli took stock of her closets.
When her husband inquired why she appeared to be doing an inventory at their Robinson home, she told him she was digging deep in her psyche to find out, “If I lost everything today, would I be OK?” The answer: a resounding yes. “I told him if there was a fire, I’d take him and the dog,” said Ms. Messina-Fiorilli, who is sales and events coordinator for CooksonPeirce Wealth Management, Downtown.
A year ago, Ms. MessinaFiorilli acknowledged, she might have been stressed about whether to grab clothes and other belongings in the event her home went up in flames. But since February, she’s been exploring her relationship with money, debt and material goods at monthly sessions led by a financial therapist.
Ms. Messina-Fiorilli and six other participants hold frank and spirited discussions about how their parents handled money, how money impacts their interactions with family and friends, and why so many people — especially women — avoid mentioning money altogether.
“Money talk is taboo,” said Patricia Boswell, the Highland Park therapist who leads the group. “But for a healthy relationship with money, you need to spend time and attention on it.”
Women may be more reluctant than men to bring up money matters.
A 2015 study commissioned by Fidelity Investments found 80 percent of women refrain from discussing their finances with close friends and family. Only 47 percent said they would invest with a financial professional on their own.
Among the most common reasons: Money is too personal, they don’t want close associates to know their financial information, and they were raised not to talk about it.
Now more professionals like Ms. Boswell are trying to spark the conversation. The Financial Therapy Association, a national organization whose members aim to help people change their behaviors involving money as part of overall health, was founded in 2009 and has about 200 members including therapists, financial planners, financial coaches and academics.
‘Poor like my family’
At Creighton University in Omaha, Neb., Brad Klontz and his father, Ted Klontz, who have written books about financial therapy, developed one of the few certification programs in financial psychology and behavioral finance.
Their students include financial planners, financial coaches, therapists and MBA students
pursuing an emphasis in financial psychology.
The younger Mr. Klontz is a clinical psychologist and certified financial planner who left graduate school with $100,000 in debt.
To pay off his loans, he sold his most valuable possession, a truck, and invested in the stock market — two months before the tech bubble burst in 2000 and wiped out his holdings.
That prompted him to research the psychology involved in financial decisions.
Through interviews with family members, he learned his grandfather had lost his savings during the Great Depression, leaving descendants — including Mr. Klontz’s mother — intensely anxious about money.
“All of a sudden my behavior made total sense,” he said. “I didn’t want to be poor like my family and swung in the totally opposite direction.”
Through certification and training, he hopes more therapists and financial planners can help people who “engage in self-destructive financial behavior or have family conflict around money.”
A belief that money is bad
Julia Kramer of Ohio Township, a financial coach who is enrolled in Mr. Klontz’s certification course, worked for years as a certified public accountant but found her passion was helping people have a healthy relationship with money.
“People will talk about sex and drug use before money,” she said.
Many people pick up “money scripts” during childhood that are rarely talked discussed and carry over into adulthood, she said. For example, individuals raised to think rich people are greedy may hide or get rid of their money if they become financially successful. They’ve never overcome their longheld belief that money is bad.
Most of Ms. Kramer’s clients are women. “I think they carry more shame and guilt about financial mistakes, and not being educated about money,” she said.
Her male clients typically contact her “at the behest of the wife.”
A licensed professional counselor, Ms. Boswell had a revelation about her own relationship with money in 2004 when her 23-year marriage ended.
Finances were a troubling issue in that relationship and she was worried about managing them on her own.
But once she was forced to pay attention to those things — often pouring a glass of wine and relaxing while she paid bills — it became easier to tackle feelings about money that she had long avoided.
The experience also motivated her to broaden her practice to financial therapy.
When she gets questions about investments or how to consolidate loans, she refers clients to a certified financial planner.
Mr. Klontz also is specific with students about ethical practices. “Financial planners and coaches should not try to treat a money disorder like gambling or hoarding. Conversely, if you’re seeing a psychotherapist, that person should not be managing your money.”
Underlying anxiety
More financial therapists are showing up during formal collaboration — a process that’s used to settle divorces, business succession, business failure and other matters as an alternative to court proceedings, said Christine Pikutis-Musuneggi, a financial planner at Musuneggi Financial Group in Scott.
The therapists she works with are trained in mediation to help “keep things in check when emotions come to the forefront,” she said.
As more people seek the help of life coaches, job coaches and nutritionists, they’re finding it easier to talk about money, she said.
Deborah Graver, partner and senior advisor at Signature Financial Planning, Mount Washington, focuses some of her practice on helping women take control of their financial health. Many, she said, have been afraid to “expose their vulnerabilities.”
Younger generations are more at ease, she said, because they’ve had more financial education and are making more financial decisions with technology.
With its women’s educational initiative, Ms. Messina-Fiorilli said she believes CooksonPeirce can be a model. For its pilot on women’s financial health, the firm recruited clients and staff members who gathered one evening a month in a small conference room at the Omni William Penn Hotel, Downtown.
Mary Jo Breen of Gibsonia, a client of CooksonPeirce, revealed that she had sleepless nights when someone asked her to cosign a loan. When she finally said no, she felt at peace.
Beth Williams of Wexford, a client adviser at the firm, said following a divorce she had to launch a new career after years as a stay-at-home mother.
She also downsized her residence, shed possessions, and took control of her own finances including putting some money away each month.
“I’m learning the power that savings can have. That was new to me.”
Robyn Race, a CooksonPeirce client who owns a wellness spa in Shadyside and works as a psychotherapist, frequently worried about finances because her parents didn’t have a lot of money when she was young.
“It’s not like I struggled, but it was a mentality they had that was passed down from their Depression-era parents. So even when I looked at my bank account and there was plenty there, I would have underlying anxiety that there’s not enough.”
Since joining the discussions, she has learned other women had similar experiences and realized her stress had nothing to do with the actual amount of money in the bank.