Men must help lead the way to gender equity

The #MeToo era will come to an end only when men and boys join the Time’s Up movement, write LEN CARIS and JANIS BURLEY WILSON, co-chairs of the Women and Girls Foundation

At the Golden Globes earlier this month, Oprah Winfrey told us we were on the precipice of change. “A new day is on the horizon,” she said. “For too long, women have not been heard or believed if they dare speak the truth to the power of those men. But their time is up. Their time is up.”

But what about the men who want to be part of the solution and not the problem? The men who want to use their power and privilege to open doors for women, eliminate sexism and harassment in the workplace and be leaders in bringing about cultural change? That is the conversation we want to have.

This moment we find ourselves in is filled with possibilities. But it will be fleeting unless men join with women as allies to transform what could be a hashtag moment into a movement for long-term systemic change.

At the Women and Girls Foundation, the two of us have joined forces to become the organization’s new co-chairs. For the first time, a man and woman will share board leadership of the organization.

This is not a coincidence. We will join our CEO Heather Arnet and diverse board and staff in our continued work to develop a Femisphere: a world where women and girls thrive. This mission is large, the challenges are significant and, to be successful, it will take women and men working collaboratively to bring about the cultural shifts necessary to drive long-term change.

So, where do we start? As one of our first actions as co-chairs, we

offer this list of 10 things men in our community can do to begin to bring about the long-term institutional changes necessary to create a world in which nobody ever has to say “Me too” again.

1. Pay attention to the messages we send our

boys: As parents, and especially for fathers, it is important to have honest conversations with our sons about informed consent regarding sex. Remember that last James Bond movie or music video on YouTube you watched with your teenage son? What messages did it send him about what informed consent looks like or whether it is appropriate to force yourself physically onto a woman? Men can show leadership in this movement by openly discussing with our children the mixed messages they receive from popular culture. Let them know what kind of behaviors you want them to model. Tell your sons what you think being a man is all about, and that being a man means being respectful of women. 2. Teach our children well: One way to ensure our children grow up to have safe and respectful relationships is to insist they receive comprehensive sexuality education at school, including curriculum on healthy relationships and consent. One of the best programs out there, “Talk: the New Sex Ed,” was developed right here in Pittsburgh at Carnegie Mellon University by Samantha Bushman. 3. Speak up and speak out for women: When you hear another man saying something inappropriate in a meeting or see another guy intimidate a co-worker using sex as a weapon, call him out on it. Stop it. Ensure that abuse and harassment doesn’t occur in your presence. 4. Place more women in positions of authority: One reason predators are able to get away with sexual harassment and assault in the workplace is that their victims, and those who witness the behavior, do not have the authority to speak out for fear of losing their jobs.

5. Give women credit for their work and their words: When a woman in a meeting or on your team comes up with a great idea, credit her. It will mean a great deal to her and the people in the room. If you are in a room where someone else speaks over a woman or takes credit for her ideas, speak up. Be a champion for the smart women in your world. They’ll notice!

6. Hire, promote and pay women what they are worth: Next time you have an open position, determine what that job is worth and base the salary on that, not on the past salary of the applicant. Basing new salaries on past salaries is one surefire way to keep gender gaps in our workplaces.

7. Ask “where are the women?”: If invited to be on a panel and it’s all male, recommend several women to join the group. If the organizers refuse, be bold and refuse to participate. When organizing your own panels and conferences ensure all panels and programs have gender and racial diversity.

8. Learn about racism and its intersection with gender, and do everything you can to empower and amplify black women and women of color. When it comes to poverty, sexual assault, harassment in the workplace, domestic violence, wage insecurity and reproductive injustice, these conditions are only magnified for women of color, trans women and women who belong to other disenfranchised groups. Whenever you have the chance to provide an opportunity to a woman of color, that is an opportunity to improve the world.

9. Most important, be aware of your inherent power in situations and use it to empower women and create change. In the private sector, women continue to be paid far less and often remain segregated in low-paying jobs with little or no access to training or educational opportunities necessary to advance. Punitive, outdated workplace policies that deny paid family leave often force parents to choose between their jobs and families, triggering a spiral of poverty and economic insecurity impacting multiple generations. But men can be leaders in bringing about the changes that need to occur. Which leads us to No. 10 …

10. Support paid family and medical leave policies: Our state Department of Labor released a study this month outlining how a state paid family and medical leave insurance fund could be a business-friendly way to provide paid leave to nearly all workers in Pennsylvania, without placing the financial burden on corporations. New York, New Jersey, Rhode Island, California, and Washington, have these programs in place.

Let’s stop pretending that only women need time to care for themselves or for those in our families in need of care. At some time in our careers all of us, men and women, need some time off to care for someone else. At barely any cost to employers, the program would enable workers to retain their jobs while taking paid time off to care for an elderly parent or a critically ill spouse or child. Men being partners in caregiving, and in advocating for good paid family and medical leave policies would help support women in the workplace in a longterm systemic way.

As Oprah said, “A new day is on the horizon,” and it will arrive when men and boys join women and girls to transform this moment into long-term cultural and institutional change. We are excited to be working together tolead the way, and we invite eachof you to join us.