Wife of synagogue rabbi lived much of her life for others
“Actions speak louder than words,” was a phrase repeated so often by Flora Berkun to her children that she shortened it to “ASLTW.”
“She didn’t even have to say the whole sentence because she said it so much, we knew what was coming,” said her son, Rabbi Jonathan Berkun, of Aventura, Fla.
A mother, lawyer, teacher and rebbetzin — or wife — to the longtime rabbi at the Tree of Life synagogue in Squirrel Hill, Mrs. Berkun lived much of her life for others.
“She cared about people — she had true empathy,” said her longtime friend and wellknown local forensic pathologist Cyril Wecht.
Mrs. Berkun, 76, of Aventura, died Monday from an infection.
She and her husband Alvin K. Berkun, Rabbi Emeritus of the Tree of Life Congregation, relocated from Squirrel Hill to Florida several months ago to be closer to their son and his family.
His parents were never the same after the shootings nearly seven months ago at their neighborhood synagogue, where his father ordinarily would have been attending Shabbat services, Jonathan Berkun said. He rarely missed a week since his retirement in 2006.
“My mother told him she wasn’t feeling well that day and she would prefer he not go,” her son said.
By that night, his mother was hospitalized due to her illness, said Jonathan Berkun, who was giving a sermon at his Aventura synagogue when he learned of the tragedy, in which 11 people were killed.
And, she was heartbroken. “I think it was overwhelming for her. She probably was never able to wrap her head around how close she was to losing her husband,” her son said. “It was too terrifying to face how close she was to being widowed on Oct. 27.”
Born on Manhattan’s Lower East Side in New York City, Mrs. Berkun moved as a young child with her family to Norwalk, Conn., and graduated in 1964 from Vassar College with a bachelor’s degree in child studies.
“Manners, proper English and etiquette were very, very important to her,” her son said. “She was wicked intelligent and very proud of the fact that she went to Vassar.”
Then-Flora Marcus, she met Rabbi Berkun when he was studying at a Jewish theological seminary in New York City and the couple married in June 1965.
The pair spent an idyllic summer honeymooning at Camp Ramah in Muskoka, Canada, where she worked as the head of the art department while her new husband served as unit leader, Jonathan Berkun said.
Mrs. Berkun taught second grade at schools in Connecticut and in San Francisco, where her husband was stationed as a U.S. Navy chaplain for several years.
By 1968, the couple moved to Hamden, Conn., where Rabbi Berkun led the Beth Shalom Congregation while his wife continued teaching and raising three children.
His mother was no slouch when it came to editing their schoolwork, Jonathan Berkun said, especially when he began following in his father’s footsteps in the religious life.
“She was relentless,” her son remembered. “She was very rough on my essays over the years and on my sermons early in my career. I think the hardest thing for her to come to terms with is when I stopped sending my sermons to her for editing.”
In 1983, the family moved to Squirrel Hill, where Rabbi Berkun was installed as leader of the Tree of Life Congregation.
“We loved Pittsburgh,” said Jonathan Berkun, who was 10 years old at the time. “People were so friendly. We couldn’t get over the charming accents and the people were so hospitable. My dad got offered Steelers tickets and I went to almost every home game with him.”
As her children grew older, Mrs. Berkun enrolled in the University of Pittsburgh School of Law, where she earned a degree in 1989.
“She was very personally ambitious, always striving and had very high standards,” her son said. “I was so proud of her. She just had a gear you didn’t know existed.”
Mrs. Berkun practiced family law for the firm of Wilder & Mahood while continuing in her role as an important part of the congregation. Both of her daughters became lawyers as well.
“She took to Pittsburgh immediately,” her son recalled. “She embraced the community and they embraced her. She never recoiled from a challenge and I think we believed she could do anything. People really did love her. There was this way about her that was magnetic.”
His mother saw herself as a cross between Jackie Kennedy and Martha Stewart and loved entertaining and making her home a hub for the community, Jonathan Berkun said.
“When you’re a rabbi your household becomes a Rabbinic household,” he said. “It’s not official, but it’s deeply significant and she really enjoyed it.”
Dr. Wecht met the couple shortly after they came to Squirrel Hill and joined the congregation because of them. He and his wife Sigrid often dined with the Berkuns, he said, and he always looked forward to spirited debates with Mrs. Berkun.
“Flora was very intelligent, very much aware of everything going on locally, nationally and internationally,” he recalled. “We had some wonderful socio-political discussions and sometimes they turned into debates because we didn’t always agree.”
Along with her son and husband, Mrs. Berkun is survived by her daughters Elizabeth Friedman, of Princeton, N.J., and Rebecca Hillyer, of Philadelphia; her brother Walter Marcus, of Tucson, Ariz., and eight grandchildren.
Her funeral was held Thursday. Memorial contributions may be sent to the Tree of Life Congregation at https://www.tolols.org/ or the Aventura Turnberry Jewish Center at https:// www.atjc.org/