I lost my wife to postpartum depression
In August 2013, my wife Alexis and I welcomed our first child, Adriana Joy. I’ll never forget the experience of watching her come into this world. I was overcome by love, not just for my daughter, but also for my wife who, in that moment, proved to everyone what I already knew — that she was the strongest woman in the world.
My wife’s delivery of Adriana was labeled “Code Blue,” meaning her life was in danger because the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck multiple times. What the world portrays as one of the happiest days for a couple, was the most challenging, eyeopening, brutal reality we had never imagined.
When I think back to that experience, I try to hold onto that joy we had seeing our daughter’s face for the first time, but in reality, that was the beginning of the end of our perfect lives together.
Shortly after Adriana’s birth, Alexis was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, and later, postpartum depression. PPD is a serious medical condition that can be life-threatening. The symptoms of PPD include a mix of emotional, physical and/or behavioral symptoms, such as feeling sad, hopeless, empty or overwhelmed, physical aches and pains, and avoiding friends and family, among others. Every woman’s experience with PPD is different.
For Alexis, the symptoms were terrifying. In the first few weeks home, she would hear phantom baby cries in the night and was convinced that Adriana was connecting with other people, but not with her. She was in tears every morning after long sleepless weeks.
These were just some of her symptoms, but they were enough for us both to know something was wrong.
In shock, and desperate for relief, answers and help, Alexis and I went to her OB/ GYN, Adriana’s pediatrician and a psychiatrist. Each one told her, “it’s the baby blues,” “it’ll pass,” and “you’re fine.” All in all, we sought help at seven hospitals in her last 13 days. No one treated her with the urgency she deserved and, ultimately, she didn’t get the help she needed.
Alexis took her life in October 2013, just six weeks after Adriana was born.
In the months following her passing, I was in shambles. As a first-time dad, I was not only overwhelmed with a newborn, but also by the loss of my life partner. But I couldn’t let her memory, her joyous nature and her love for life and her friendships, just fade away.
To honor her story, I established the Alexis Joy D’Achille Foundation and have dedicated my life to educating others on the reality of PPD. PPD affects about 1 in 9 moms in the U.S., and is something that can affect any woman — PPD does not discriminate based on color, age or socioeconomic background.
The impact of this serious medical condition can stretch beyond just a new mother, affecting the child, partner and entire family unit — everyone suffers. Yet, despite the prevalence, approximately 50% of PPD cases go untreated in the U.S., and there are multiple barriers in our health system that prevent many women from getting the urgent care they need. Unfortunately, my story is an example of what can happen when women with PPD aren’t treated with urgency or able to get the care they deserve.
Throughout this journey, I’ve experienced first-hand how critical it is for a husband or partner to be on the frontline and support new moms in not only identifying PPD but seeking out and advocating for care. The same is true for friends and family.
I encourage everyone to contact your federal and local officials to demand that our health system take maternal mental health seriously and ensure that women with PPD have access to appropriate treatment.
It is unacceptable that my wife did not have access to the treatment she desperately needed. My daughter and I now have a void in our lives that can never be filled. It is my goal to ensure that no Pittsburgh family — or any family for that matter — experiences this emptiness. That’s why I started the Alexis Joy D’Achille Foundation and why I’m now working with Sage Therapeutics to continue to raise awareness of the signs and symptoms of PPD, and advocate that it be treated with urgency.
To learn more about the signs and symptoms of this serious condition and find helpful resources you can share with your family, I encourage everyone to visit sites such as PostpartumDepression.com or the Alexis Joy D’Achille Foundation Facebook page.