This Karen doesn’t like being a meme
Q: I am one of the many women who now find our name used as an insult or shorthand for an obnoxious, entitled, occasionally racist creature who demands to speak to the manager or calls the police for no good reason. I know this is not the biggest problem, but it really hurts me, especially because I try not to exhibit the behaviors associated with the insult. How should I respond when I hear someone being called a “Karen”?
A: You are in excellent company! I have a flurry of letters from women named Karen whose feelings are hurt. I confess I’m flummoxed by the depth of emotion. Sure, your name has been hijacked, but the insult isn’t aimed at you specifically. According to census data, there are more than a million Karens in the country!
It’s not personal at all, unlike the recent misogynistic attack on a congresswoman by her male colleague, or the racist slurs and dog whistles applied to Black Lives Matter protesters. Those are instances of direct abuse.
Now, I object to the sexism of the meme. It’s no coincidence that Karen’s male counterpart, Ken, never really caught on. (An angry white man is just a man.) And I hate to think of you feeling bad. So, the next time you hear the insult, say: “I know it’s catchy, but it hurts my feelings. Can’t you call out the bad behavior without using my name?” Keep in mind: Memes fade fast. Remember Becky?
Q: Over the last year, I became close friends with another man. Recently, things shifted. He invited me to spend the night with him several times in the past month. I did. Nothing sexual happened; we just spooned all night. I took this as a sign of romantic interest. But two days ago, he announced he has a boyfriend, whom he never mentioned before. He claims he often spoons with friends. Am I wrong to feel blindsided and used?
A: It seems odd that a close friend never mentioned his boyfriend. But platonic spooning all night seems odd to me, too, especially in the midst of a pandemic. Next time, use your words. If a situation feels weird, ask what’s going on, OK?