No more silence: Carla J. Frye helps others break the cycle of abuse
The scratchy sound of a chair sliding across a linoleum floor. The familiar smell of a man’s cologne. The light whistle of a breeze that mimics the sound of an extension cord before it whips the flesh.
All of the above trigger haunted memories of an abusive childhood for Carla J. Frye. She says trigger responses keep us from our normal routine and from experiencing life in its fullness.
Having grown up in Coraopolis with her single mother and older sister, Ms. Frye shares in two recently published books testimonies of mistreatment by her mother, who often sent her to the basement in their home. She watched others around her receive unconditional love — but she lacked the experience herself.
Beginningwhen she was 7 years old, Ms. Frye was often sexually abused by a close relative she thought she could trust. She has also been gang-raped and has attempted suicide on several occasions.
“I knew that by telling my story that at least one person was going to be helped. That one person was me,” Ms. Frye said.
She credits God with helping her to speak out about the sexual abuse she suffered as a child. Now living on the North Side, she is a minister and works from home as a customer care advocate for Highmark.
Ministry is not only a passion of hers, but a “life-calling,” she said.
And she knows all about trauma. After coming to terms with her own experiences of abuse, she is helping others navigate the pain that we so often bury deep. She shares her story in two books, “Silenced Behind the Silence” and “She Speaks Her Silence.” Both books were published by La’Joi Publishing LLC and can be purchased on Amazon for $20 each.
Ms. Frye founded Shattered Yet Restored Ministries in 2017 and deems it a ministry with “no walls” that assists those struggling with depression, frustration, suicidal thoughts, sexual abuse, mental abuse, domestic violence, human trafficking and more. She also founded another organization called Stella’s Hope, for which she is currently seeking grants and funding.
“We all have buried emotions,” Ms. Frye said. “Some emotions are not from abuse but could be from the death of a loved one that you refuse to grieve over because that would signify they are really gone.”
According to the National Children’s Alliance, nearly 700,000 children are abused annually in the United States. That’s about 1% of American children. However, this data may be incomplete because child abuse is underreported, the alliance said.
“Every time I speak about what happened to me, I become empowered, empowered to speak out even more because of the strength I received,” Ms. Frye said. “If it happened to me, I believed that my story would help all those that would dare to listen and open themselves up to the endless possibilities once free.”
Ms. Frye is trained in the prevention of child sexual abuse. She is also a licensed evangelist and an ordained elder in her church, Living Proof Kingdom Ministries International in Pittsburgh. The ministry hosts Saturday services at the Graceland Missionary Church building in Knoxville.
I met her through Facebook in 2019 when I learned about her first book, “Silenced Behind the Silence.” Her story brought me to tears. The truth is, there was so much of her story that I could identify with, like so many of us.
My biological father sexually abused me and my sister from the time we were babies until we were 4 and 5 years old. We were then thrust into the foster system in Tennessee, where we suffered more abuse. The journey to freedom is a process, and it’s a journey I’m still on.
Until recently it was a lonely, silent journey for me too.
“Many in Black homes have heard these words, ‘What goes on in this house stays in this house,’ ” Ms. Frye said. “Almost 100% of the people that I speak with have heard these words and taken them to heart. We knew the consequences of putting our household business in the streets. Since I came from a small village, everyone knew everyone, and even if you were evasive with names, it wouldn’t take long to figure it out.”
Ms. Frye said she learned to live with the effects of her trauma until she could no longer contain it. God instructed her to begin writing her story, she said, although she initially protested before obliging.
“The generational slavery [of trauma] exists because we have opted to remain silent about the events that have happened to us,” she said.
Shattered Yet Restored Ministries conducts conferences, workshops and Zoom meetings and has a table at events. It is available for
those who need “an ear,” Ms. Frye said.
“Our plans were to be in a better position with events, but since COVID19, we have had to cancel our engagements,” Ms. Frye said. “However, God is opening some doors and we have been able to minister to people at work, in the grocery store, at the gas station and restaurants.
“People are needing hope because it has been a time of transition, and COVID-19 does not discriminate. ... We must include God.”
I wish I had someone like Ms. Frye in my life as a child. Like her, I had been silent about my experiences until a friend encouraged me and I sought therapy for the first time in my life in 2019. The Tennessee foster system had failed to equip me and my sister with therapy. And my family did not want to talk about it.
Through the sharing of her story, Ms. Frye encourages us all to be honest, to seek help and work to forgive those who hurt us. There is indeed power in speaking up.
As she puts it, “God will give us beauty for ashes.”