Vigil lights way to healing
Downtown event honors local victims of intimate partner violence
Elizabeth Arrington laid her hand on a photo of her late daughter before sharing her family’s story on the drenched City- County Building portico.
She told the crowd that she saw the signs. She played the “peacemaker.” She tried to be the fixer. She did everything she thought she could to protect her daughter Jessica Vecchiola, enveloped in a tumultuous divorce. But, in 2017, Vecchiola’s life was cut short when her estranged husband killed her.
“Life changes, but violence doesn’t,” Ms. Arrington said. “It rears up when you least expect it … No one should have to go through this.”
The Women’s Center & Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh held a candlelight vigil Thursday night to honor Vecchiola and other lives lost to intimate partner violence. The event, held despite a torrential downpour and flash flood warning, honored the memories of victims and shed light on the lasting impact of this violence. The exterior of the City- County Building glowed with purple light to represent domestic violence awareness.
For the past 50 years, the nonprofit has worked to end domestic violence and create safe spaces for healing. Founded in 1974 as one of the first six domestic violence programs in the United States, the organization offers comprehensive emergency and longer-term services to all survivors of domestic violence and their children.
Ms. Arrington said the group had given her daughter hope for a better future. Even eight years after her death, the “should of, could of, would of” still hangs over her mind, knowing her daughter will never celebrate her 40th birthday, or be able to attend her oldest son’s graduation or see her youngest enter the fifth grade this year.
Nicole Molinaro, president and CEO of the Women’s Center & Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh, embraced Ms. Arrington and handed her a bouquet of roses after she left the podium.
“We are here tonight, to sit together in the pit of grief, not to suppress it, but to lean into it, to listen to it, to feel it,” Ms. Molinaro said. “We are here tonight to acknowledge the hole that is ripped into the fabric of our community with every murder, with every loved one that is taken from us.”
Intimate partner violence, defined as abuse and aggression occurring between spouses or dating partners, unfolds daily across the country and locally. That’s something Allegheny County Department of Human Services Director Erin Dalton illuminated, sharing that the county saw 30,000 911 calls related to domestic violence last year.
It’s also a predominant risk factor in over 30% of child welfare cases and makes up nearly 20% of all court filings.
What makes intimate partner violence so difficult to address, she said, is that it doesn’t fall neatly into any one category.
Health, police and human services departments all tackle these cases.
“You know who to call for child welfare, that’s our responsibility, human services,” Ms. Dalton said. “In intimate partner violence, it’s not like that.”
In 2022, the city and county created an Intimate Partner Violence Reform Leadership Team, which Ms. Dalton co-chairs.
Advocates and leaders across the city and county urged the need for awareness and action to address intimate partner violence in the community. For Mayor Ed Gainey, it starts with children.
Mr. Gainey’s sister died outside a bar after rejecting an advance from a man, who shot and killed her. Mr. Gainey said his father took in her twin girls and young son, always emphasizing that he didn’t want the children to see “violence as a way of life.” Mr. Gainey thinks that kind of approach can end the cycle.
“I’m telling you, if you don’t focus on the children, you got another sea of children growing up in environments where they think that violence is going to solve their problems, and we know that it’s not,” he said.
The event ended with reading the names of 212 people whose lives were taken by IPV across Allegheny County and some surrounding areas since 1974.
The shelter compiled the list using data from annual fatality reports, media reports and the victims’ loved ones, who could submit their names. The majority of them died after 2007, as there is little to no public records about victims of IPV homicides before that year.
Some of the victims included children who died with their parents. The youngest was a 1- year- old, Nina. Another woman, Michelle, died while pregnant with her unborn child, Logan.
Sarah Moran became visibly emotional as she read her portion of the list. She said that even after practicing, it was hard not to react, especially when recognizing some of the victims from her work.
She serves as a senior specialty attorney at the Women’s Center & Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh. She represents people seeking protection through PFAs, like Ms. Vecchiola did, as well as family court cases. She encourages people to speak out, no matter how difficult, when they see a loved one suffering from this kind of violence.
“I think a lot of times people don’t know what to do, and so they actually enable the isolation,” she said. “It can be messy, but it’s important to let somebody know that you’re going to be there, no matter what.”
If you or someone you know is experiencing intimate partner violence, assistance is available by calling the Women’s Center & Shelter at 412-687-8005 or visiting WCSCanHelp.org.