Parents struggle to do what’s best for tormented daughter

DEAR ABBY: My 53-year-old daughter is an addict. First it was alcohol, then hard drugs and opioids. This has been going off and on for 40 years.

She hit bottom recently. She became homeless and ended up in a women’s shelter in another state. She says she’s been clean about six months. The shelter helped her find a place to live, and she draws a disability check, so she has everything she needs.

She constantly contacts me and her father saying she wants to come home. We have helped her to the point of mental, physical and financial exhaustion, and we just can’t go there again. It’s the most difficult thing we’ve ever gone through. We know we shouldn’t continue to enable her, but if we don’t, we feel like terrible parents. Any advice would be much appreciated. — TERRIBLE PARENTS IN INDIANA

DEAR PARENTS: You already know what will happen if you cave in to your daughter’s begging to “come home.” From now on, when she asks, remind her that she already IS home, in the place the people from the shelter helped her to find. Her troubles have nothing to do with you. They are the result of the life she created for herself. You already know that enabling her hasn’t worked. The time has come for you and your husband to take better care of yourselves.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-wife and I separated after 56 years of marriage. I recently found out she had been raped. Twice. The first was somebody I worked around at the air base. The second was by her father to “teach her a lesson” for getting raped the first time.

When I asked her about it, she said it was none of my business because it happened before we met, but I think she should have told me. I worked around the first guy. Who knows what he told the other airmen behind my back? I also asked very personal questions of her dad, which I now regret. My question is, was she right or should she have told me? — UPSET PERSON IN THE EAST

DEAR UPSET PERSON: I doubt that the person who worked with you on the air base would have spent much time bragging about having raped, so please, stop obsessing about what the person might have said. That your wife was raped later by her own father must have been devastating. Both of the animals who abused her belonged in jail.

That said, although your wife probably should have told you what happened to her, she was NOT OBLIGATED to do so. Your marriage is over. Let it go!

DEAR ABBY: I am angry at the lack of praise given to respiratory therapists who are on the front lines of coronavirus patient care. Everything is doctor, nurse. By all means they deserve praise, but who do you think is also a vital part in fighting this RESPIRATORY virus? We manage those ventilators many hotspots are in desperate need of. We give those breathing treatments that help to calm the airways as this virus takes a toll on the lungs.

All health care workers, as well as individuals who work in hospitals and are considered essential, should receive this praise. We come to work each day uncertain whether we will be exposed or contract the virus. Yes, it’s a trying time for everyone, but I want the world to be aware of these unsung heroes.— TAKING A DEEP BREATH

DEAR TAKING: So do I, which is why I am printing your letter. All of the courageous men and women who put their well-being at risk in service to their patients and their community are heroes as far as I am concerned. I, as well as my readers, pray for your safety and success in this battle against this novel virus.