Aging out of parties; not these folks

A friend went to a friend’s party. He said it was good except for one thing: “There were too many old people there,” he reported.

Old people. Once again we’re dealing with the old people problem. We can’t seem to put that one behind us.

Old people are like bees. They’re as likely to swarm an area, and make it impassable, as they’re to buzz around harmlessly in ones and twosies as if they just flew from a ditty by Wordsworth.

Old people. They’re either shut-ins or you can’t get rid of them. Do they not have a middle ground that’s acceptable to general society?

The friends who threw the party are in their late 60s, although they look and act younger. Their guests were in the same age range, give or take 10 years.

They allowed their 30-something daughter and son-in-law to invite 10 people who were probably under 40. This brought down the average age of attendees, but only dented it given the sheer numbers in the upper range.

This isn’t unlike trying to change your batting average at the end of a long baseball season. It’s easier to budge the numbers in May or June when you have less at-bats. By September, you’re who you are.

The guest list was carefully chosen. Attendees were the creme de la creme professionally, athletically and socially. There were contributors, net positives, the sorts of people who make this world a better place. People whom you are glad to know or eager to meet if you don’t know them already.

Unfortunately, none of this matters. What does is critical mass, bringing too many of them together in one place, on one night and springing them on the unaware, the unprepared and the unold.

Better to look at old people as if they were a spice — oregano, basil, dill or cumin. How much do you need when you’re cooking? Usually, it’s a pinch, a teaspoon or a sprinkle. The idea is to give the dish or, in this case, the gathering, character, backbone and interest.

Old people are like good china. Fine silver. Crystal goblets. You don’t bring them out every day but when you do, it’s a special occasion and people notice and appreciate your efforts.

When the party’s over, the china returns to the china cabinet, the silverware to the dark box with the velvet insides, and the goblets to the shelf high enough where an intrepid grandchild can’t reach them and smash the daylights out of them. Then they lie in state, like Lenin, awaiting their next appearance.

If you have to include old people in your social life, and it’s almost an obligation these days, do so infrequently and in smaller units. Be thankful for your friends who are older but it’s OK to be secretly glad tyou’re not one of them and you have no intention of joining their group.

Life is good, but stuff happens. Thank goodness, it only happens to other people.

Contact The Californian’s Herb Benham at 661-395-7279 orhbenham@bakersfield.com.freedom.