Where are celebrations for singles?

Dear Amy: I’m a woman in my 30s, and happily single. I live in my own apartment with my dog. I have a great career, a great family and wonderful friends. I’m on the younger side in my family, so by the time my milestones hit (turning 21 and 30, college graduations, etc.) they were not big “new” events.

While I would like to get married and possibly have children someday, that may not be in the cards. All that being said, I find myself constantly celebrating members of my family and spending money on weddings and children’s birthday gifts, but when it is something that is important to me, it gets overlooked or downplayed. I’m starting to become resentful.

I have invited members of my family well in advance to personal events important to me (getting re-baptized, for instance) and they all said they’d attend, but as it got closer they backed out for things like brunch with the grandkids — or they just don’t show up. It’s like they don’t take things having to do with me seriously.

When do singles get celebrated for life choices outside of weddings and procreating? If I spend time, energy and money on their (and their kids’) life events, when will they reciprocate? If I never marry or have children, am I just out of luck? Don’t these life celebrations seem like they’re stacked against single, childless people?

I’m still here, and I have feelings, too! — Still Here

Dear Here: I agree that more “traditional” life celebrations such as showers, weddings and birth celebrations leave out singletons. That does not explain your family’s lack of attention toward your graduation and baptism, however.

I wonder if you have a family member (a parent, perhaps) who could advocate for you, in order for you to receive the attention you deserve. If your own parents are the root of this problem, then you should deal with them and make your expectations clear — and express your disappointment when they let you down.

I like the idea of singletons finding big ways to mark important life events, such as landmark birthdays, starting a new job or moving to a new home. Perhaps you have a group of friends who can support you in throwing a “singleton shower,” for which you send out “save the date” cards and come together to play games, trade stories and in general celebrate your own lives and life choices.

I’ll share ideas from fellow readers.

Dear Amy: I met a man the summer of 2017 in the USA. Unfortunately, when summer ended, I went back to my home country. He spent nine months convincing me that he wanted to be with me and that he loves me. I fell for him. This summer I traveled back to be with him, but things didn’t go as expected.

We worked together daily, but we saw each other only about 10 times outside of work. We fought a lot over his jealousy. We never established a serious relationship and today I don’t know if he has serious intentions. I love him, but I don’t know what to do. Any suggestions?

— Wondering

Dear Wondering: You returned to the USA to test this relationship, and it was tested. You didn’t fail, but the relationship did. I hope you don’t really love someone who manipulated you into traveling to be with him and then rejected you. If he wanted to be with you, he would have moved heaven and earth to see you more than 10 times over the summer.

Jealousy is not love. Jealousy is not even “like.” Jealousy is the reaction of an insecure person who wants to control you. It is one hallmark of a toxic relationship. You should pay close attention to this red flag and keep your distance from this man. There are better people out there, probably much closer to home.

Dear Amy: Great job suggesting “AntiPotluck Guy” should be rude to people who invite him to a potluck! I couldn’t believe you would advise someone to be so rude responding to an invitation.

— Upset

Dear Upset: I said if this man wanted to ensure that he would never be invited to another potluck, he should grouchily express his frank loathing of them. I also cautioned that this response would cost him some (possibly valuable) friendships.

Copyright 2018 by Amy Dickinson

Distributed by Tribune Content Agency

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