LIFE AFTER RILEY
LaPorte’s Sharpe tries to figure out how to grieve loss of infant son
How does a football coach grieve after the loss of a loved one?
It’s hard when your world is measured by play charts, game plans, building character and creating a culture of success.
You can’t check any of those boxes for that challenge.
LaPorte’s Dave Sharpe doesn’t have the answer to this question.
Ask in a couple of years. Maybe then.
Sharpe gave up a great job as the Slicers’ head coach so he could figure out how to catch his breath after the death last spring of his infant son Jacob.
The job was everything he wanted.
A single-school community that loyally supported the program. It had a good tradition, and he could win consistently. The kids were enthusiastic and committed.
He may never coach again at a place like LaPorte.
Sharpe, though, had to leave. He will move to Indianapolis after the school year to be close to a nonprofit he and his wife Kristen started.
Sharpe confirmed he hasn’t properly healed from Jacob’s death on June 4 at 9 months. Jacob had been sick since he was born with a condition that caused his head to swell continuously. He had 13 surgeries, according to Sharpe, before being placed in hospice.
Like many Type-A personalities, Sharpe coped with the loss by working. He had been on the journey with Jacob for about a year. The couple knew of the issues before Jacob was born.
“I’m a classic suppressor,” he said. “I just put my head to grindstone. I had no idea about the grieving process. I stayed in the office and submerged myself in football.”
Sharpe said he was hit with a flood of emotions during the football season’s bye week.
That was his first time he really had time to reflect about what happened in a deeper way.
Before Jacob died, Sharpe had been making regular visits to Riley Children’s Hospital in Indianapolis. Life was a whirlwind of coaching, teaching and also parenting daughters Lindsey and Kate.
Sharpe said since Jacob died, there has been a “huge emptiness” for him and Kristen.
They are trying to fill the void by diving headfirst into their charity, the Jacob Sharpe Foundation. They partnered with Riley’s Children Hospital for the foundation. They started it to help Indiana fam- ilies who lose a child unexpectedly to pay for funeral expenses.
The Sharpes were overwhelmed when the school organized a drive to pay for Jacob’s funeral.
“We feel the need to be near Riley,” he said. “Maybe that can help with the healing.”
The truth is, Sharpe doesn’t know how this will work out. He’s hopeful. He believes it’s the right move for him and his family, but there is uncertainty and sadness that comes with the loss of child.
Like a good football coach, he said, “There is no playbook
for this.”
He feels bad for his daughters, who have had to soldier on while dealing with a football-coaching father who has been unusually preoccupied.
Kristen already spent about a month a year in Indianapolis for her job, Dave said. That number was going to rise with the charity.
“We just decided we can’t do this,” he said. “Our girls are hurting. They are
old enough to understand they had a brother and he had a horrible life and he died miserably. That’s killing them. “I was distant with them because of the hours I worked with football. We just have to be more together than we were the last couple of
months.”
And so, Sharpe is leaving a job he loved in a community he loved for something unknown. He’ll miss the place. It really was perfect for him.
“I was distant with them because of the hours I worked with football. We just have to be more together than we were the last couple of months.”
— Dave Sharpe, LaPorte coach