Catching up with Kaden, a transgender man
Kaden Alexander, 24, of Valparaiso, is finally more at ease with himself after years of gender identity struggles. And he’s now married, too.
Kaden Alexander is so comfortable with his body these days he went to a local nudist resort to hang out while letting it all hang out.
“I wasn’t any more uncomfortable than the best man from my wedding who went with me,” Alexander said with a smile.
Five years ago, when I first met Alexander, he was still struggling as a transgender male after going through his adolescence as Kaitlyn, an emotionally troubled female “anarchist,” as he recalls.
“I’m more mellow these days, more… myself,” he told me Thursday before he packed a moving truck.
As the LGBTQ community celebrated Pride Week, Alexander and his new wife, Teri Alexander, quietly celebrated their life-to-be in the Indianapolis area. There he’ll soon be attending law school, and she will be continuing her higher education.
“I’m super excited,” he told me.
Since 2014, I’ve been keeping tabs on Alexander, whose birth name was Kaitlyn Sowers. That year, I wrote, Kaden was born female. But in her head, and in her heart, she’s always been a male. She played with action figures, not dolls. She wore pants, not skirts. She hung out with boys yet was attracted to girls.
“It was very confusing,” Alexander told me at the time.
His life now is less confusing yet still with unique challenges.
“It’s still a little complicated at times,” he said Thursday at a public park in Valparaiso.
We sat on a bench and caught up, just two guys shooting the bull as families played nearby at a water pad. You’d never know Alexander, 24, is a trans male without knowing his backstory. He has undergone “top surgery” to remove his breasts after months of injecting himself with weekly shots of testosterone. He’s now bulked up, oozing masculinity and lots of facial hair.
“The only thing that hasn’t really changed is my shoe size,” he once told me.
In September 2018, he married his longtime sweetheart, Teri. They started dating during their senior year in high school. She’s been with him through every transition, every challenge, every victory.
“We’re really happy,” Alexander said.
At their wedding, Alexander’s grandmother walked him down the aisle.
“Five family members actually showed up,” he said proudly.
As with too many transgender people, their families aren’t always as supportive or understanding as they could be. It’s a difficult transition for everyone involved. Time helps, love heals.
When Alexander looks at earlier photos of himself, as Kaitlyn, he feels a disassociation between his current self and his former self. As a teenager, he first came out as a lesbian before further exploring his sexual identity. At the time, she wasn’t sure if she was a lesbian or bisexual. She just knew she was in the wrong body regarding her gender.
“I thought I was the only one. It was very lonely,” Alexander told me in 2015.
Back then, his voice sounded more feminine than masculine, which he hated. A good day was when most people identified him as male. Today, everyone identifies him as a man. Period.
“In the queer community, trans women have more challenges than trans men,” he said.
Alexander has no plans in the near future for gender reassignment surgery to alter his genitals. It’s too expensive, too risky, too complicated, costing tens of thousands of dollars for multiple procedures and revisions.
“Maybe someday,” he said with a shrug.
First things first once they arrive in Indianapolis, where he plans to attend law school for three years, In May, he graduated from Indiana University Northwest. He plans to focus on human rights law, specifically regarding safety-minded legislation for queer youth.
“There are a lot of opportunities in law school that I want to take advantage of,” he said. “I want to eventually live somewhere that needs what I have to offer, even if it’s in a dangerous community for the trans population.”
His mother-in-law is worried about the couple living in Indiana, considering our state’s conservative attitudes and laws toward the LGBTQ community. Alexander isn’t too concerned.
“If you’re looking for happiness, you’re going to find happiness. If you’re looking for problems, you’re going to find problems,” he said. “I love being able to blend in.”
He views this as a major advantage, not allowing others to act on their preconceived notions or prejudices of him.
“I might be the only face from the trans community that some people ever see, so I always want to keep this in mind,” Alexander said. “I want to represent the best I can. I feel it’s important to advocate for people in my situation, and I plan to do that.”
Along with millions of other newlyweds, Alexander’s biggest challenge these days is his weight. He’s up to 220 pounds, blaming it on too much late-night studying for school.
In 2015, he told me something similar as his body became more masculine, pound after unwanted pound.
“I feel fat,” he said then.
I asked him Thursday how his body feels as an otherwise bulky, bearded, typical man.
“I still feel fat,” he replied with a chuckle.
Some human feelings transcend transgender issues. Sadly, humorously, and wonderfully.