‘I love you, Ingrid’
Music teacher’s final words to his life partner: Herb Hedstrom died Aug. 23, leaving behind a broken-hearted library director and thousands of former students he influenced
When Herb Hedstrom was briefly taken off his ventilator, he looked at Ingrid Norris.
“I love you, Ingrid,” he told her.
Norris cherishes this final gift from Hedstrom, her life partner for the past 25 years.
“His last words were about love,” she said.
Hedstrom was a betting man. He went to University of Chicago Medical Center wagering his life that traditional open heart surgery would pump a few more years into it. The seven-hour procedure detected a congenital heart defect that somehow went unnoticed for 78 years.
A surgeon repaired the defective valve but the surgical trauma overwhelmed his heart. Life support measures, including extracorporeal membrane oxygenation, were implemented. It kept Hedstrom alive as Norris hoped his gamble would still pay off.
“I woke up yesterday, looked at his monitors and realized these measures weren’t helping,” she told me.
Norris, director of the Lake County Public Library, felt like she was choosing to let Hedstrom die if life support was removed. A doctor clarified the situation.
“Herb’s body is sending you a message,” he told her. “You are being courageous and compassionate by listening and honoring the message.”
His guidance eased her guilt. On Aug. 23, Hedstrom’s heart stopped beating less than five minutes after life support measures were stopped.
“He died peacefully and without pain,” Norris said. “I’m grateful he had 78 years on this earth and 25 with me.”
They initially knew each other from their days at Lake Station High School, where Hedstrom was band director and Norris was a student. Each of them followed their life’s own sheet music, marrying someone else and going their separate ways. Norris’ late husband, John, just
happened to be a classmate of Hedstrom’s at Portage High School.
“When my husband passed away and Herb was divorced, we ran into each other sporadically since we both lived in Portage,” Norris recalled.
She wanted to play the clarinet again, as she did in high school. Her instrument had been stolen while attending college, so she asked Hedstrom to help find a new one. He tracked one down for her. To thank him, she treated him to dinner.
“At the time, it was just two lonely people spending time together as friends,” Norris said.
Their relationship eventually evolved into a serious love affair. It struck all the right chords in their middle-aged years. She was 41. He was 53. “It was a long road that brought us here,” Norris said.
They never married. They didn’t have to. “We just committed to each other without the legal paperwork,” Norris said.
He was her biggest cheerleader. She was thankful to be in his life.
“Having the time of our lives,” Hedstrom wrote Jan. 2, 2018, on his Facebook page when the couple vacationed in New Zealand.
He traveled the world throughout his life. Australia, Venezuela, Mexico, Russia, Germany, Finland, Denmark, Norway, and so many other countries, foods, peoples, and languages. He especially enjoyed visiting Sweden, his family’s homeland, where a Swede in Stockholm welcomed him home.
In 2016, he visited
Alaska to finally join the 50 states club, a bucket list accomplishment for many amateur adventurers. Professionally, Hedstrom was a music educator and a maestro mentor.
“He has thousands of students who will remember him,” Norris said.
As a teenager, Hedstrom received a scholarship to attend the University of Iowa, graduating with two bachelor degrees in music. He furthered his education at the University of Arkansas where he obtained a master’s degree as a percussion instructor. The Portage native returned to the area to find his drumbeat as a high school teacher.
“He was very proud of the many students he taught who were selected to attend Indiana All State Band,” Hedstrom’s obituary states.
A private family service will take place 10 a.m. Sept. 3. He will be laid to rest at McCool Cemetery in Portage. The majority of Hedstrom’s estate will go toward setting up annual scholarships for high school students interested in studying music.
After his death, his former students reached out to Norris with their remembrances.
“I was a very troubled teen headed for personal destruction. Herb gave me self-esteem, guidance, and personal advice in a troubled time. Herb changed my life,” Jeff Edberg wrote on Facebook. “Your gift continues to live with me, my family, and those I can in turn help as you helped me.”
“I was lucky enough to have him as my teacher … and really loved all of our time together. He greatly impacted me as a musician and as a person,” wrote
Josh Pritchett.
Just days before his heart surgery, Hedstrom received a handwritten letter from the parent of another student: “I may not know you well, but for the past six years you’ve been a steady, solid source of guidance for Nathan. You are the adult he spends the most time with, and whose words sink in.”
Norris shared the letter with me, saying, “It’s a perfect reflection of the impact he’s had on thousands of students.”
Hedstrom had a similar impact on Norris as well.
“I would not be the director of Lake County Public Library if he had not been in my life. When I was offered promotions, he was the one who gave me the confidence to take them,” she said. “I’m pretty lucky he was in my life.”
She was grateful to be near his bedside at the end of his life, she said, knowing that love pumped through his final heartbeats.