Boyfriend is putting everyone in danger by drinking and driving
DR. WALLACE: I’m 18, and my boyfriend is 20. He is kind, considerate, compassionate and just a wonderful human being. I love him and love to think that someday he will be my husband and the father of our children. We have been together for over a year.
The only concern I have, and it’s a huge concern, is that he drinks too much. His father is an alcoholic, and I believe my boyfriend is, too. I’ve done everything I can think of to get him to lay off alcohol, but nothing has been effective. I’ve never seen my boyfriend drunk, but I’ve seen him tipsy many, many times.
To make matters worse, he has been known to drive after he has been drinking. He knows I refuse to ride with him after he has consumed alcohol. I can’t count the number of times I’ve had to call my sister to pick me up because he thought more of alcohol than he did of me. When I bring up the subject, he either says, “I don’t want to talk about it,” or “I can handle my alcohol. You’ve never seen me drunk, have you?”
The easy way out for me is to tell this guy it’s either alcohol or me, and then walk away when he chooses alcohol — because he would. But I just can’t do that. I love and care for him much more than I should.
I’m trying my very best to get him to stop drinking, or at least to stop driving after drinking. If that happened, then we might have a life together. I’m going to keep trying to help him until I conclude that he can’t be helped. Is there anything you can tell me to help me on my crusade to free the guy I love from the grip of alcohol?
Nameless, Crown Point, Ind.
NAMELESS: I agree with your belief that your boyfriend is an alcoholic. And if this is true, nothing that you can say or do will convince him to eliminate alcohol from his life. Someone who is an alcoholic is an alcoholic for life. There is no cure for alcoholism. But an alcoholic can, and many do, live alcohol-free lives. If that ever becomes your boyfriend’s wish, he should get involved with Alcoholics Anonymous. This wonderful organization can assist him in living a sober life.
Since you love this guy, you might find it difficult to remove him from your life. If that’s the case, don’t allow him to convince you that he can “control” his drinking pattern by himself, because he won’t. Don’t marry him until you are 100 percent positive that he is an alcoholic who has firmly decided to live an “alcohol-free life” forever because he loves you more than he loves alcohol.
Please remember that being married to a “drinking alcoholic” guarantees that your life will be one filled with tears, heartache, sorrow and misery. You deserve better!