Teen friend trapped in joyless marriage
Dear Abby: One of my childhood friends got married at a young age. She’s now expecting and due in a few months. Every day she messages me on Facebook about something else her husband has done to cause her emotional stress. For example, a few weeks ago she found flirtatious erotic messages he had exchanged with another girl.
I want to help her because we have been friends for so long. We’re both 19, and I feel I should know how to help her, but since I’ve never been married I don’t know what to say. Any advice?
— Friend in Kentucky
Dear Friend: What a sad situation. Your friend is married to someone who apparently doesn’t want to be married — and it’s open to question whether he will be much of a parent. If she has family, she should talk to them about this because she may need their help soon. She should also make plans for how she will support herself and the child, because her husband appears to be a flake.
Please pass this advice along. And let this be a lesson to you about the importance of achieving independence before assuming the responsibility of parenthood.
Dear Abby: My mother is in her mid-90s. Several of her lifelong friends, widows, still live in their own homes, as she does. However, they no longer drive.
A phone call would help them communicate directly with each other about life situations, but it doesn’t seem to happen. Instead of calling and talking to each other, they hear about each other thirdhand.
Is it typical for the elderly to abandon each other and be so cruel? If so, what could help people communicate better regardless of age?
— Concerned Son in Colorado
Dear Son: Not everyone in their 90s ages the same way. Some individuals are still active; others are less so. When seniors stop driving, there can be a tendency for them to become isolated and depressed. Others may be taking medications that affect their memory.
A way to help people in your mother’s age group would be to see that they have transportation to a senior center, where they can mingle face-to-face if they wish. I recommend this for your mother and her friends because I’m sure none of them is being deliberately cruel.
Dear Abby: I am an addict of Turner Classic Movies and wondered how those handsome actors and beautiful actresses control their libido during passionate love scenes. Or is there more to it than appears?
— Film Buff in Encinitas, Calif.
Dear Film Buff: Generally speaking, what an audience sees on the screen isn’t an amorous encounter. Every gesture has been carefully choreographed. There may be a lot more acting than passion involved. (That’s why it’s called acting.) Remember, there is a director and there can be a crew of as many as 30 people standing around. Of course, there are always exceptions — Liz Taylor and Richard Burton would be one of them, and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie would be another.