Can I look around without it looking like I’m looking around?
DEAR MISS MANNERS » For seven years, I've owned something I've wanted most of my adult life: an antique convertible.
My wife and I have always loved antique cars.
Weather permitting, I drive it daily with the top down, and I look for others driving their own antique cars. (Don't worry: I'm also very safe and keep my eyes on the road.) I smile, honk and wave when I see such drivers. They respond in kind.
However, looking around does make me worry that other drivers will think I'm showing off, just wanting to see how many people notice my car. The idea makes me feel bad. But if someone likes my car and gets my attention to let me know, I need to show my appreciation somehow — maybe smiling, waving and tooting my horn. To ignore them is rude.
How do I behave while driving so that I don't seem to be looking for how many people notice me, yet acknowledge those who like the car? GENTLE READER » You are overthinking this. For all anyone knows, you could just as easily be honking and smiling at an old friend.
Sure, Miss Manners agrees that nobody likes a showoff, but also: Who cares? As long as you are not causing accidents, she sees nothing wrong with a little car preening. Enjoy it.
DEAR MISS MANNERS » If a man marries a woman whose children are grown and married, does he become their stepfather, or just their mother's husband?
GENTLE READER » It depends how much the children like him.
DEAR MISS MANNERS » What should a host do when guests fall asleep, but insist they aren't tired?
In the first instance, a friend came over for dinner after work. Our chatting continued with me in the kitchen and her in the living room, a few feet away. When she stopped answering, I found her fast asleep.
After waking her, I said we'd get together another time when she wasn't so tired, and that I would even send the dinner home with her. She declined, but later fell asleep again — at the dinner table!
In the second case, a contractor fell asleep
— three times! — at my kitchen table while discussing a project. Again I said we should reschedule, but he then said he had all the information he needed.
I expressed concern about him getting behind the wheel of his truck while so drowsy. I offered him a cold drink and said that he was welcome to sit for 10 or 15 minutes until he felt more alert, but he declined and left. I never heard back from him with an estimate.
While I appreciate that my friend wanted to spend time with me, and that the contractor was working hard, what would Miss Manners say in these awkward situations? GENTLE READER » Frankly, she is starting to wonder what is in your water.
You cannot force other adults to rest, but your following up and finding out if they reached home safely would be kind. As would a reminder to get more sleep before the next time they come around.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners. com; to her email, dearmissmanners@ gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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