Your Part­ner & PPD

Raise Vegan - - Contents - Good luck! Kindly, Pais­ley Anderson

Iam truly sad­dened to hear that you are st r ug­gling. Adding a baby to a re­la­tion­ship can be over­whelm­ing at times. Adding re­la­tion­ship prob­lems on top of t hat i s daunt­ing, but ex­tremely com­mon. There are a few things I would like to rec­om­mend. “Go­ing be­hind your wife's back”… Post­par­tum De­pres­sion is a very se­ri­ous con­di­tion, and is of­ten dif­fi­cult for the per­son ex­pe­ri­enc­ing it to be able to ad­mit or even un­der­stand what they are ex­pe­ri­enc­ing. If you are truly concerned about the well- be­ing of your wife, and you are wor­ried that she is not in a good place, then I hon­estly think giv­ing her doc­tor a call would be a good idea. I wouldn't see it as go­ing “be­hind her back” or dis­re­spect­ing her if there is gen­uine con­cern be­hind the ges­ture. You can even ask the doc­tor not to men­tion that you called. So it doesn't end up be­ing seen as an at­tack, and she can in­stead see you as much- needed sup­port when she gets home. I would also like to sug­gest that you plan a sit down. Ap­proach your wife be­fore­hand. For ex­am­ple, “Honey, I feel like we have re­ally been strug­gling since our lit­tle one was born, and I want to make things eas­ier for all of us, es­pe­cially you. Could we maybe sit down to­gether af­ter they are sleep­ing on Fri­day and talk about the things that are both­er­ing us? Maybe we could even write th­ese things down be­fore­hand, so we can delve in head first and re­ally get back on the same page about things.“ I once had a friend who said, “When I give all of me, I get it all in re­turn.” I asked her what she meant and she said when she made her day- to- day life all about her spouse and chil­dren, she felt that in time they did the same. In the end she got it all back 10 fold. Now “in time” can mean dif­fer­ent things for dif­fer­ent cou­ples. But I am a firm be­liever in that, from time to time, one part­ner needs more than the other. Could this pos­si­bly be such a time in your re­la­tion­ship? Maybe your spouse just needs a lit­tle extra from you. Com­mu­ni­ca­tion is key in th­ese situ- ations. So you could start with a sit down where you broach the topic and find out what she feels she needs and isn't get­ting. Peo­ple change so much when they have ba­bies: phys­i­cally, hor­mon­ally and emo­tion­ally. Maybe the ways in which she needs love and help are dif­fer­ent than be­fore. I would like to rec­om­mend a book. “The Five Love Lan­guages” by Gary Chapman. It's a won­der­ful re­source for ev­ery­one and it dis­cusses how oth­ers show and re­ceive love. I think with an open and hon­est con­ver­sa­tion about how you both are feel­ing, see­ing the doc­tor about the pos­si­bil­ity of PPD and read­ing this book by your­self, or to­gether, you will find your­selves on the path to a re­la­tion­ship that is stronger than ever. ◆

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