Breaking up patterns and reparenting
Iam thrilled to see our communities dialogue in “Breaking the Cycle” by Randy Rieland. I wanted to add the following terms into the conversation: trauma, generational trauma, overlooked childhood trauma, an integrated health and wellness curriculum, holistic alternatives and nature.
Firstly, the “War on Drugs” is cultural schizophrenia. Dr. Gabor Maté’s book, “In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts,” describes it as an assault on addicts, which creates greater insecurity for everyone. Stressing people chronically and mercilessly can in no way promote their capacity for healthy transformation. An elected official using this as a running platform is perpetuating the paradigm that individuals with Substance Use Disorder are criminals. Maté locates the source of addictions in emotional trauma of childhood, making it a relational rather than a medical problem, needing a compassionate approach, not incarceration. Hence, the War on Drugs is a vehicle for trauma to manifest generationally.
The prevention mindset is important for this process, especially during adolescence when the brain is at its most plastic — and vulnerable. This is a time when caution and intervention may prove most valuable. The earlier the drug exposure or trauma to the brain, the greater the damage.
The social worker from the Rappahannock County school district states in “Changing the Brain,” the children with “trauma history or substance abuse history in the family” may “not be as much a choice. A child may be kind of set up for failure.” Seeing the words “trauma, child and failure” is disheartening. The disease model denies the role of trauma and labels people as disordered. Honoring our human experience is the first step in reclaiming ourselves. Addiction psychoeducation needs to instill choice, compassion and a mind-body component. Raising awareness to genetic predisposition can be reframed to include neuroplasticity and hope, not self limiting beliefs.
For years the addiction field has said that addictions were caused by genetics. If your father is an addict then you will have the gene for it, and you will become an addict. We now know that the gene is passed on, but it can be turned off if the child has a good and supportive, nurturing family system.
Dr. Maté calls for a compassionate approach towards addiction, and he believes that the source of addiction is not to be found in genes but in the early childhood environment. “In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts,” he draws on cutting-edge science and real life stories to show that all addictions originate in trauma and emotional loss. He states, “Nobody is saying that every traumatized person becomes addicted but that every addicted person was traumatized.”
Overlooked childhood trauma comes in the form of the following: reality denying-unintentionally changing or shifting a child’s experience; appearance keeping-showing a side or persona of self or family unit different than what is actually happening in the home; icing-(silent treatment) shutting down or withdrawing love when a child does something the parent does not approve of; and vicariously living (stage parent)-a parent’s unconscious attempt to “mold” a child or live the life they did not through the child.
Epigenetic inheritance research indicates that environmental factors like stress and diet modify our genes and impact future generations. The issues are in our tissues, and they are passed down from great, great grandmother, Elsie Mae. Family dynamics, dense energies like resentment, and trauma are passed down from generation to generation. It’s been eighty-five years since families were relocated from their homesteads in the Shenandoah National Park, yet we still hear about their traumatic stories through their descendants. There is hope. It only takes one person in a family to create new patterns and end generational trauma. Are you that person?
Searching online to find a photo of school children meditating in detention, I was thrilled to find information on the University of Virginia’s “Compassionate Schools Project,” which is a “single, integrated health and wellness curriculum for the 21st century for educating the whole child.” This study began in 2016. Fifty schools, over 625 teachers, and more than 6250 students were included in this study which is scheduled to run through 2021, with 45 schools and 20,000 children over the projects seven years. By educating the whole child and facilitating the integrated development of mind and body, the research aims to have a major impact on children’s education nationwide in terms of academic performance, physical education, character development and child health policies.
The mind and body are not separate, they are connected parts. The brain-gut connection shows that our gut influences our mood. Psychoneuroimmunology (PNI) shows brain activity directly affects the immune system. Polyvagal theory shows that trauma changes the function of the nervous system and how we perceive life. “Disorders” are often adaptive responses to childhood trauma. We have soul and inner wisdom that should be addressed in our healing. (Teens have abstract thinking and can differentiate from concrete thinking). Our microbiome is directly linked to our mental health and how we eat, sleep and handle stress affects its balance.
Sesame Street is “tackling” the opioid crisis with the help of Karli, a muppet who recently revealed her mother is battling addiction while she is in foster care. The show portrays a compassionate approach to those battling addictions. It allows children to be open to discussing their feelings regarding addiction, an epidemic that continues to carry stigma and shame and where people with Substance Use Disorder are incarcerated.
Children learn what they see not what they are told. If we want to have breakthroughs in our lives and with our children, we need to break up our patterns and reparent ourselves. Trauma informed yoga, yoga in general, meditation apps, recovery podcasts, Youtube meditation and wellness videos, online support communities, nature, and hiking trails are available to help reparent, self heal and become emotionally resilient. Most of these are free with a data plan. There are countless ways to meditate. Practicing gratitude, eating a plant based diet, going on hikes in our beautiful surroundings, grounding in nature, journaling, futureself journaling, going on retreats, taking a digital detox, practicing mindfulness, etc. All of these are available to those who want to be that one person in the family to create new patterns and end generational trauma.
The writer, who holds a master’s degree in social work, is a self healer in Huntly.