IN THESE UNITED STATES
A CLASSMATE AND I were walking past a poster in our school hallway. It featured a photo of Einstein with the words Even Einstein Read Books.
My friend was amazed: “I didn’t know Einstein’s first name was Evan.”
MY FRIEND STRUCK UP a conversation with a stranger. When the stranger asked where she was from, my friend replied, “Iowa.” “Where?”
“Oh,” said the woman. “Where I’m from, we pronounce it ‘Oh-hi-oh.’”
H. ELAINE PARSONS, Midland, Michigan
MY PERFORMANCE IN “I’m so sad I can’t make it to your Christmas party” is already generating Oscar buzz. @ROBINMCCAULEY
FIVE-YEAR-OLD: Just one more question before I go to bed.
Five-year-old: What are the lines on your forehead for?
Five-year-old: Now they look angry.
AT A RECENT WEDDING I attended, the groom and groomsmen stood at the altar in eager anticipation of the bride’s arrival. My three-year-old niece, sitting next to me, was also filled with anticipation. Pointing to the men, she shouted, “I wonder which one she’ll pick?”
RUTH MUCHEMORE, Omaha, Nebraska
NINETY PERCENT of being married is just shouting, “What?” from other rooms. @KEETPOTATO
WHEN I TOLD my daughter’s boyfriend that I didn’t own a TV set, he was shocked. “If you don’t have a TV,” he asked, “how do you know how to arrange your furniture?”
MEL VANNICE, Seattle, Washington
ON A WINTRY DAY, my 90-year-old father was in the supermarket trying to pay for his groceries. Bundled up against the cold, his gloved hands were having trouble retrieving and counting the exact change. The transaction evidently took too long for the man behind him in line, who muttered a curse. Dad stopped counting, turned around, and warned, “Be quiet or I’ll write a check.”
JOHN SHOUSE, Fullerton, California
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