Life

IN THESE UNITED STATES

Reader's Digest - - Words Of Lasting Interest -

A CLASS­MATE AND I were walk­ing past a poster in our school hall­way. It fea­tured a photo of Ein­stein with the words Even Ein­stein Read Books.

My friend was amazed: “I didn’t know Ein­stein’s first name was Evan.”

Source: red­dit.com

MY FRIEND STRUCK UP a con­ver­sa­tion with a stranger. When the stranger asked where she was from, my friend replied, “Iowa.” “Where?”

“Iowa. I-owe-uh.”

“Oh,” said the woman. “Where I’m from, we pro­nounce it ‘Oh-hi-oh.’”

H. ELAINE PAR­SONS, Mid­land, Michi­gan

MY PER­FOR­MANCE IN “I’m so sad I can’t make it to your Christ­mas party” is al­ready gen­er­at­ing Oscar buzz. @ROBINMCCAULEY

FIVE-YEAR-OLD: Just one more ques­tion be­fore I go to bed.

Me: What?

Five-year-old: What are the lines on your fore­head for?

Me: …

Five-year-old: Now they look an­gry.

@PAIGEKELLERMAN

AT A RE­CENT WED­DING I at­tended, the groom and grooms­men stood at the al­tar in ea­ger an­tic­i­pa­tion of the bride’s ar­rival. My three-year-old niece, sit­ting next to me, was also filled with an­tic­i­pa­tion. Point­ing to the men, she shouted, “I won­der which one she’ll pick?”

RUTH MUCHEMORE, Omaha, Ne­braska

NINETY PER­CENT of be­ing mar­ried is just shout­ing, “What?” from other rooms. @KEETPOTATO

WHEN I TOLD my daugh­ter’s boyfriend that I didn’t own a TV set, he was shocked. “If you don’t have a TV,” he asked, “how do you know how to ar­range your fur­ni­ture?”

MEL VANNICE, Seat­tle, Wash­ing­ton

ON A WIN­TRY DAY, my 90-year-old fa­ther was in the supermarket try­ing to pay for his gro­ceries. Bun­dled up against the cold, his gloved hands were hav­ing trou­ble re­triev­ing and count­ing the ex­act change. The trans­ac­tion ev­i­dently took too long for the man be­hind him in line, who mut­tered a curse. Dad stopped count­ing, turned around, and warned, “Be quiet or I’ll write a check.”

JOHN SHOUSE, Fuller­ton, Cal­i­for­nia

Got a funny story about friends or fam­ily? It could be worth $$$. For de­tails, see page 3 or go to rd.com/sub­mit.

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