Life in These United States

IN THESE UNITED STATES

MY HUSBAND CAN’T activate our Amazon Echo, because he keeps forgetting its name, Alexa.

“Just think of the car Lexus and add an a at either end,” I suggested.

The next time he wanted to use our new toy, he looked a bit puzzled. Then he remembered what I’d said and confidently called out, “Acura!”

LINDA PRICE, Glendora, California WHILE PLAYING CATCH with my young son, I accidentally sent the ball sailing over his head. “Sorry, that was a bad throw,” I said.

He smiled kindly. “No, Daddy, that was a wonderful toss.” Then, taking two steps toward the ball, he stopped and added, “When we say something nice even when we don’t mean it at all, that’s called being polite, right?”

Source: thoughtcatalog.com

FEELING DOWN about my thinning hair, I told a friend, “Soon I’ll never need to go back to the beauty salon. Whenever I vacuum, all I pick up is my hair.”

A glass-half-full kind of gal, she responded, “Well, then you won’t need to vacuum either.”

AGNES SCHARENBROCH, Manitowoc, Wisconsin

SOME REDDIT.COM contributors finished the prompt “I knew my significant other wasn’t the brightest bulb when …” as follows:

■ “… she pointed up at a bluish star and sincerely asked, ‘Is that Earth?’”

■ “… we were out to dinner, and he was reading the menu and asked, ‘What’s a green bean?’”

■ “… I bought her a Christmas present that had a connection to some funny event involving my cat and her. So I made the present from the cat. I thought I was being cute … Instead, she got angry that my cat got her a present and I didn’t.”

■ “… he called lingerie ‘linguine.’”

■ “… she got me Mad Libs, and when it was her turn to do a noun, she asked, ‘What is a noun?’ I said, ‘It’s a person, place, or thing.’ There was a long silence as she thought. Then she said, ‘Place.’”

A HAIKU FOR MY HUSBAND … Your whiskers are black

The porcelain sink is white Are you @#$%^&! blind?