All in a Day’s Work

IT WAS MY FIRST NIGHT caring for an elderly patient. When he grew sleepy, I wheeled his chair as close to the bed as possible and, using the techniques I’d learned in school, grasped him in a bear hug to lift him onto the bed. But I couldn’t clear the top of the mattress. So I grabbed him again, summoned all my might, and hoisted him onto the bed.

When the night shift nurse arrived, I recounted what had happened. “Funny,” she said, looking puzzled. “Usually I just ask him to get in bed, and he does.”

ERIN DOCKERY, Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio

TO RESOLVE WORK conflicts between management and staff, I brought both sides together and asked employees to jot down key words on a flip chart. One participant complained about management’s tendency to interfere and wrote the word nitpicking.

A manager leaped to his feet to ask, “Shouldn’t there be a hyphen between nit and picking?”

E. HOWSON, in Reader’s Digest International Edition

YOU KNOW YOU’VE been working too hard when you suffer these brain blips:

■ One day the phone rang at work while I was super busy. I was halfway between saying “Can you hold?” and “Can I place you on hold?” but instead just said, “Can I hold you?”

■ I went to Wendy’s, and the girl behind the counter said, “Welcome to Mcdonald’s!” and then just sighed.

■ A customer asked me whether

I was Rachel. I responded with,

“Yes, this is Rachel.” It was not a phone call. He was standing right in front of me.

Sources: tumblr.com and boredpanda.com

I WAS DINING with the actor Ben Chapman, who had starred in a horror film in the 1950s. Bennie got a little drunk and loud and ended up getting kicked out by the maître d’.

“Sir,” I said, “do you know who you are ejecting? This is the Creature from the Black Lagoon!”

The maître d’ snarled, “I don’t care where he’s from—he’s gotta leave!”

M. C. GWYNNE, in Planet Proctor newsletter