Life in These United States
IN THESE UNITED STATES
DURING A CLASS about the effects of weather, my high school science teacher asked, “Does anyone know the first sense you lose when struck by lightning?”
A classmate put her hand up and answered, “Your sense of humor?” Source: reddit.com
AFTER A HEALTH SCARE, I hugged my wife and whispered, “If something happens to me, the presents in my closet are yours.” She whispered back, “If anything happens to you, everything in your closet is mine.”
DEAN SIMPSON, Guide Rock, Nebraska
SCENE: Bar
Me: What’s the Wi-fi password?
Bartender: You need to buy a drink first.
Me: OK, I’ll have a Coke.
Bartender: Three dollars.
Me: There you go. So what’s the
Wi-fi password?
Bartender: “You need to buy a drink first.” No spaces, all lowercase.
SYLVIA MCCLAIN, Grand Prairie, Texas
HEADLINE from the Seattle Postintelligencer: “Mom Warns Son to ‘Watch Out for Idiots,’ Rear-ends His Motorcycle.”
ON THE WAY to meet my husband at a restaurant, I realized that I didn’t have my phone and immediately panicked. I needn’t have worried. He saw my phone on the couch at home and brought it with him. When he arrived, I checked my texts. There was only one, and it was from him: “I’m on my way, and I have your phone.”
MICHELLE STEINMETZ, Ocala, Florida