All in a Day’s Work
AN UTTERLY CONFUSED woman called our local fire station about getting a haircut.
“I’m sorry, you have the wrong number,” I said.
“Is this the salon near the fire station?” she asked.
“No, this is the fire station.” “Oh! Are you cutting hair in there now?” KAREN STRAND, Lacey, Washington
“YESTERDAY WAS my 18th birthday!” a customer said after walking into our convenience store. He then asked for some e-cigarette products and handed me his ID to prove he
was indeed of age. I scanned the ID, but it came back expired. Now thoroughly deflated, he asked, “Does that mean I’m not 18?”
DAVID HANSEN, Des Moines, Iowa
A CUSTOMER walked into the post office wanting to mail a package. “Two-day shipping will cost $12.95 to get it there by Friday,” my coworker Billy told her.
The customer, clearly looking to save a few bucks, said, “The package doesn’t have to get there till Saturday. Is there any way to make that happen?”
Billy nodded. “Sure. You can bring it back tomorrow.”
DAVID CUTCHER, Royal Palm Beach, Florida
SWIMMING COACHES share the most infuriating excuses they’ve heard for missing practice:
■ “I had a swimmer tell me he missed practice because of bad dreams.”
■ “The swimmer was too full from the trip we coaches took them on to the Cheesecake Factory.”
■ “‘Sorry I couldn’t make practice. I had to break up with my girlfriend on Skype.’ ”
■ “I had a swimmer, in the middle of winter, wipe out on his bike on his way to early-morning practice because it was too slippery. When I asked why he rode his bike in the snow, he admitted it was to hopefully wipe out and not be able to practice.”
Source: Swimming World TEACHING IS NOT for sensitive souls. While reviewing future, past, and present tenses with my English class, I posed this question: “‘I am beautiful’ is what tense?”
One student raised her hand. “Past tense.”
REEMA RAHAT, in Reader’s Digest International Edition