All in a Day’s Work

Our company gives out Thanksgiving turkeys to retired employees. All they have to do is stop by the plant to pick them up. A few days before the holiday, a retiree called to ask, “What time do the turkeys get in?”

The receptionist, without thinking, responded, “Everyone starts at eight.”

—Ed Robinson

Warminster, Pennsylvania

Pearls of “wisdumb” from less-than-stellar students:

✦ I had a girl in my class ask how long it would take for a submarine to travel from Florida to California ... going underneath the country.

✦ I had a student who wrote an art history paper about “Leonard Davin Chi.”

✦ I walked into a classroom where the professor was in the midst of an angry lecture on plagiarism because one of his students had turned in an essay that

started with: “In my 25+ years of experience in this field ...”

✦ I teach French. I’d given everyone in class a lengthy piece of French homework. One student put the entire assignment into Google Translate, but translated it into Spanish.

—reddit.com

On The Late Late Show, Paul Mccartney told host James Corden how he and John Lennon wrote the Beatles hit “She Loves You” in Mccartney’s childhood home: “We’re just finishing it up, John and I, and we were like, ‘Oh, that’s it. Let’s play it for my dad.’ So we say, ‘Dad, Dad, you want to hear a song?’ So we sing, ‘She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah ...’ and he listens to the whole song. Then he said, ‘That’s very nice, but son, there’s enough of these Americanisms around. Couldn’t you sing, She loves you, yes, yes, yes?’”

I asked a patient to write the Medicaid number from his card on his form. This is what he wrote: “The Medicaid Number.” Anything funny happen to you at work? It could be worth $$$. For details, go to rd.com/submit.