Laugh­ter, the Best Medicine

The best Medicine

Reader's Digest - - Contents -

Miriam goes to the post of­fice to buy stamps for her Hanukkah cards and says to the cashier, “May I have 50 Hanukkah stamps?”

“What de­nom­i­na­tion?” asks the cashier.

Miriam thinks for a sec­ond, then says, “Give me 6 Or­tho­dox, 12 Con­ser­va­tive, and 32 Re­form.” —jew­ish­mag.com My “Don’t make love to Vic­to­ria’s Se­cret mod­els” res­o­lu­tion is go­ing great so far! @eli­braden

A farmer was help­ing one of his cows give birth when he no­ticed his four-year-old son stand­ing at the fence, watch­ing. Think­ing it might be the per­fect time to broach the whole birds-and-the­bees topic, he asked, “Well, son, do you have any ques­tions?”

“Just one,” gasped the wide-eyed boy. “How fast was that calf go­ing when he hit the cow?” —ranch­ers.net

Ac­cord­ing to a new re­port, ad­verse side ef­fects oc­curred in over 3,000 women who used Botox last year—none of whom seemed sur­prised. —Crys­tal Low­ery Mckin­ney, Texas

Car com­mer­cials grossly over­es­ti­mate how much time I spend driv­ing around in the desert. @taste­fac­tory

An English­man, a French­man, a Spa­niard, and a Ger­man are watch­ing a street per­former.

The per­former sud­denly re­al­izes that these men have a poor view, so he gets on a small plat­form. “Can you all see me now?” he asks them.

They re­spond: “Yes.” “Oui.” “Sí.” “Ja.” —just­some­thing.co

It’s a good thing snakes and dogs don’t in­ter­breed. No­body wants a loyal snake.

—Roy Blount, hu­morist from gar­den & gun

Know­ing that the pas­tor en­joyed his drink, a ho­tel owner of­fered him a case of cherry brandy for Christ­mas in ex­change for a free ad in the church news­let­ter. The pas­tor agreed and ran this in the next is­sue: “The pas­tor would like to thank Patrick Smith for his kind gift of a crate of fruit and for the spirit in which it was given.” —hot­ser­mons.com

Who­ever coined the phrase “the pit­ter­pat­ter of lit­tle feet” clearly never heard a four-year-old walk.

@MY­MO­MO­LOGUE Got a funny joke?

It could be worth $$$. For de­tails, go to rd.com/sub­mit.

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