Laughter, the Best Medicine

The best Medicine

Miriam goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Hanukkah cards and says to the cashier, “May I have 50 Hanukkah stamps?”

“What denomination?” asks the cashier.

Miriam thinks for a second, then says, “Give me 6 Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform.” —jewishmag.com My “Don’t make love to Victoria’s Secret models” resolution is going great so far! @elibraden

A farmer was helping one of his cows give birth when he noticed his four-year-old son standing at the fence, watching. Thinking it might be the perfect time to broach the whole birds-and-thebees topic, he asked, “Well, son, do you have any questions?”

“Just one,” gasped the wide-eyed boy. “How fast was that calf going when he hit the cow?” —ranchers.net

According to a new report, adverse side effects occurred in over 3,000 women who used Botox last year—none of whom seemed surprised. —Crystal Lowery Mckinney, Texas

Car commercials grossly overestimate how much time I spend driving around in the desert. @tastefactory

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are watching a street performer.

The performer suddenly realizes that these men have a poor view, so he gets on a small platform. “Can you all see me now?” he asks them.

They respond: “Yes.” “Oui.” “Sí.” “Ja.” —justsomething.co

It’s a good thing snakes and dogs don’t interbreed. Nobody wants a loyal snake.

—Roy Blount, humorist from garden & gun

Knowing that the pastor enjoyed his drink, a hotel owner offered him a case of cherry brandy for Christmas in exchange for a free ad in the church newsletter. The pastor agreed and ran this in the next issue: “The pastor would like to thank Patrick Smith for his kind gift of a crate of fruit and for the spirit in which it was given.” —hotsermons.com

Whoever coined the phrase “the pitterpatter of little feet” clearly never heard a four-year-old walk.

@MYMOMOLOGUE Got a funny joke?

It could be worth $$$. For details, go to rd.com/submit.