All in a Day’s Work

“You’re right. We should have built the castle first, THEN the moat.”

As the dentist labored over my teeth, he tried to make small talk.

“What do you do?” he asked.

“I’m a comedian,” I answered.

“Interesting.” After a pause, he said, “Let’s get an impression—”

“It’s more observational humor, actually,” I interrupted. “I don’t do impressions.”

The dentist continued, “—of your teeth.” —Michael Buzzelli Carnegie, Pennsylvania

Nursing can be a dirty business, as I discovered while helping my grumpy patient change his colostomy bag. You can imagine the smell. Still, I soldiered on, telling myself to think about the patient’s feelings and not let my queasiness show. That all changed when he turned to me, scrunched his nose, and said, “God, you’ve got bad breath!” —an anonymous nurse, on businessinsider.com

I work in the front office of a housing complex that supports people living with mental illness. On one particularly hectic day, a tenant came in to pay her rent. Frazzled, I said,

“Ever have one of those days when you feel everyone is out to get you?”

She smiled and replied, “I take medication for that.”

—Sarah Pennisi Beamsville, Ontario

A cheat sheet for deciphering your performance review:

✦ “Good communicator” = Needs to stop e-mailing me

✦ “Creative problem solver” = Creates a lot of problems

✦ “Collaborative” = Gets other people to do his work

✦ “Passionate” = Always interrupting me

✦ “Excellent timemanagement skills” = Uses meetings to check e-mail

✦ “Punctual” = Leaves every day at five

✦ “Results-driven” = Will throw you under the bus

—how to be successful without hurting men’s feelings by sarah cooper (andrews mcmeel)