Cleaning Up Pet Hair, and More

“No,” says Joe. “I just decided to quit drinking.” —247sports.com

A man is at the funeral of an old friend. He tentatively approaches the deceased’s wife and asks whether he can say a word. The widow nods.

The man clears his throat and says, “Plethora.”

The widow smiles appreciatively. “Thank you,” she says. “That means a lot.”

—Rob Kiener Stowe, Vermont

I didn’t realize how broke I was until someone stole my identity and it ruined her life. —KATE DAVIS, comedian Your joke could be worth $$$. For details, go to rd.com/submit.