Reader's Digest

Life in These United States

IN THESE United States

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Our son was upset that his baseball coach yelled whenever he or a teammate made a mistake. “It’s just something coaches do,” I said. “It’s not personal.”

His response was hard to argue with: “If it’s not personal, then why do they use your name?”

—Laura Mckinney Ruston, Louisiana

Ad spotted in my weekly bargain bulletin: “FOR SALE: Crestview cemetery plot, $200, so I don’t have to spend all eternity beside my ex!” —Anthony Cialella New Castle, Pennsylvan­ia

When my 85-year-old father was in the hospital, his doctor, trying to determine Dad’s mental state, asked, “What gets you up in the morning?”

My father shrugged. “Probably the same

One day, I was trying to get my seven-year-old’s attention. When he finally turned to me, I asked, “Didn’t you hear me calling you?” He responded, “Not the first two times.” — reddit.com

thing as everyone. I have to go to the bathroom.”

—Marc Allen Trost Thornton, Colorado

Radio personalit­y and Youtuber Tommy Edison has been blind since birth, 55 years ago. But don’t pity him. “There are plenty of good things about being blind,” he says. For example:

✦ “I go on airplanes first.”

✦ “I never have to worry about drinking and driving.”

✦ “I don’t have to do my own lawn.”

✦ “My electric bill’s lower than yours.”

✦ “Every single woman I’ve ever been with is a 10.” —youtube.com

Got a funny story about friends or family? It could be worth $$$. For details, go to page 4 or rd.com/submit.

 ?? cartoon by Robert Erskine ?? “Perhaps you’ve heard of me. I discovered a little thing called fire.”
cartoon by Robert Erskine “Perhaps you’ve heard of me. I discovered a little thing called fire.”

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