Reader's Digest

THE MIDDLE AGES

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A recent survey found that “investing in decent cutlery and enjoying a garden center” are signs that you’re officially middle-aged. Here are other ways to tell that you’ve reached the halfway point:

“Do you know what it’s like being over 40? It’s like being a day-old helium balloon. You’re not in the sky anymore—and you’re not quite on the floor.” —Noel Fielding comedian

“Middle age is when you recognize the classic rock songs that have been turned into elevator music.” —twitter@beansandbe­lls (Emma nicholls)

“Middle age: When you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.” —twitter@kitchenspr­out (Kimberly toureiro)

“My body is like an old car. Every time I sneeze, cough, or sputter, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires.” —twitter@desymckee

“Being over 40 is like the movie Speed, but you can’t drop below 600 mg of ibuprofen in your system.” —twitter@seamussaid (Seamus o’flaugherty)

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