Garrett Michael Matthias

aka “The Great Garrett Underpants,” of Van Meter, Iowa

My name is:

Garrett Michael Boofias 1

My birthday is:

I am five years old.

My address is:

I am a Bulldog!

My favorite color is:

Blue and red and black and green.

My favorite superhero is:

Batman 2 ... and Thor, Iron Man, the Hulk, and Cyborg.

When I grow up:

I’m going to be a professional boxer.

My favorite people 3 are:

Mommy 4 ; Daddy; my sister “Delcina” (Delphina); the grandparents with the new house (Fredric and Cheryl Krueger); the grandparents with the camper (Daniel and Nita Matthias); my cousins Grady, “that guy I took down one time” (Luke), and London Marie; my Auntie Janette and stinky Uncle Andy (Andrew and Janette Krueger); those two guys, you know, my uncles Kristopfer Krueger and James Taylor; BATMAN!!

The things I love the most:

Playing with my sister, my blue bunny, thrash metal, Legos, my day care friends, Batman, and when they put me to sleep before they access my port.

Things I hate:

Pants, dirty stupid cancer, when they access my port, needles, and the monkey nose that smells like cherry farts. I do like the mint monkey nose at Mayo Radiation, and that one guy that helped me build Legos (Randy).

When I die:

I am going to be a gorilla 5 and throw poo at Daddy!

Burned or buried:

I want to be burned (like when Thor’s mommy died) and made into a tree so I can live in it when I’m a gorilla.

Big or small funeral:

Funerals are sad. I want five bouncy houses 6 (because I’m five), Batman, and snow cones.