All in a Day’s Work

I was ushering at the University of Delaware graduation when I noticed a harried-looking woman carrying an infant.

“Can I help you?” I asked.

“I can’t believe there’s no babychanging station in the ladies’ room,” she said.

“That’s odd,” I said. “There’s one in the men’s room.”

“Good,” she said, thrusting her baby at me. “You change him.” —Alfred Nai Wilmington, Delaware

One of my shelf stockers is always late and always has an excuse. His latest: “My sister was in a fatal car accident, and I stayed home until she got better.”

—Ann Marie Figi Monroe, Wisconsin

Overheard at a paint store: Customer: How much for a gallon of that paint?

Clerk: Forty-two dollars.

Customer: Do you have a smaller gallon? —Louise Arruda Bradford, Ontario

Gilbert Gottfried on how he got into comedy: “I think I was too stupid to do anything else, and that stupidity helped me. Not only was I too stupid to do anything else, but I was too stupid to think of the odds against it.” —el Paso times

A vendor’s rep met with my company’s executive staff. After an exasperating afternoon in which the only opinions expressed were those of our owner, the rep shouted, “Are you all just a bunch of yes-men?”

“Of course not!” one of the executives replied. “If the owner wants us to say no, we’re no-men!” —cbsnews.com

That Japanese is hardly Ariana Grande’s first language became very evident recently. The 25-year-old pop singer had the name of her album 7 Rings tattooed in Japanese on her left palm. But because the translation was long and it would have been far too painful to tattoo all those characters, Grande edited out a few.

As a result, she will forever sport the word shichirin, which translates to “barbecue grill.” —huffingtonpost.com

Anything funny happen to you at work? It could be worth $$$. For details, go to page 4 or rd.com/submit.

The person who came to my office looking for work was a former Los Angeles Dodgers minor-league baseball player. On his résumé was this reason for leaving his previous job: “Couldn’t hit a curveball.” —Kenneth P. Mulder Tampa, Florida