Life in These United States
IN THESE United States
I stopped off at the supermarket to buy my son-in-law his favorite pie, sour cream raisin. The box had the $15 price stamped on the top, which I thought would be tacky on a gift, so I asked the man behind the counter for a marker to black out the price. Didn’t work—you could still see the price through the ink.
“I know what to do,” the man said. “I’ll cover it up.” And with that, he slapped a sticker over the price that read “$2.98 Day Old.” —Marge Donnell Fosston, Minnesota
Because my wife and I are flea market dealers, we usually carry stacks of $1 bills. Not long ago, we had lunch at a restaurant and paid the check
with singles. As our waitress collected the ones, she sized up my 70-year-old wife and said, “You had a good night dancing last night, huh?” —Elliott Smith Worcester, Massachusetts
My husband talks in his sleep. Unfortunately, he also snores, so I sometimes give him the wifely elbow.
“What?!” he demanded one night, still mostly asleep.
“Turn over—you’re snoring,” I said.
He did as instructed and while doing so muttered, “That’s nothing; you should hear my wife snore.” —Karen Brungardt Tucson, Arizona
A friend took her son to the doctor’s office after he sprained his finger. The nurse applied a splint, only to be told she’d put it on the wrong finger.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “That’s OK,” my friend’s son said. “You were only off by one digit.”
—Prudence Perry Federal Way, Washington
My neighbor texted me, “I just made synonym buns!”
I texted back, “You mean like grammar use to make?”
I haven’t heard from her since.
—Gerald L. Loffredo Chandler, Arizona Got a funny story about friends or family? It could be worth $$$. For details, go to page 4 or rd.com/submit.
The first stage of a realistic baking show would be each contestant trying to open a jammed utensil drawer. —twitter@blade_funner