Life in These United States
In these United States
My mother and I suffered through an overlong, confusing movie at an art theater. Apparently we were not the only dissatisfied patrons. Walking back to our car afterward, we overheard a man complain to his wife, “We left the dog home alone for that?” —Michele Burgess Huntington Beach, California
After my kids bragged about what levels they’d attained in a video game, I decided to give it a try. Soon, it was my turn to boast that, in spite of being a newbie, I’d already managed to get to level 11. That’s when my youngest son pointed out that the “11” I was seeing on the screen was actually the game’s pause button.
—Fran Brown West Granby, Connecticut
When the new activities director for the rec center walked in, all us retirees quickly took notice. She was 20-something, statuesque, and gorgeous. My buddy whispered, “She makes me wish
I was 30 years older.”
“Don’t you mean 30 years younger?” I asked.
“No. If I were 30 years younger, I’d still never have a chance with a woman like that. If I were 30 years older, it wouldn’t bother me so much.”
—John Bertschler Broadview Heights, Ohio
On a fishing trip to a remote lake in Northern Quebec, I asked the outfitter, “Do you stay here during the winter?”
“No,” he said. “The snow gets too deep. We can’t get supplies in. Like many Canadians, I go south for the winter.”
“Oh,” I said. “Where do you go?”
“Vermont.”
—David Richardson Hillsboro, Oregon