Reader's Digest

Life in These United States

In these United States

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My mother and I suffered through an overlong, confusing movie at an art theater. Apparently we were not the only dissatisfi­ed patrons. Walking back to our car afterward, we overheard a man complain to his wife, “We left the dog home alone for that?” —Michele Burgess Huntington Beach, California

After my kids bragged about what levels they’d attained in a video game, I decided to give it a try. Soon, it was my turn to boast that, in spite of being a newbie, I’d already managed to get to level 11. That’s when my youngest son pointed out that the “11” I was seeing on the screen was actually the game’s pause button.

—Fran Brown West Granby, Connecticu­t

When the new activities director for the rec center walked in, all us retirees quickly took notice. She was 20-something, statuesque, and gorgeous. My buddy whispered, “She makes me wish

I was 30 years older.”

“Don’t you mean 30 years younger?” I asked.

“No. If I were 30 years younger, I’d still never have a chance with a woman like that. If I were 30 years older, it wouldn’t bother me so much.”

—John Bertschler Broadview Heights, Ohio

On a fishing trip to a remote lake in Northern Quebec, I asked the outfitter, “Do you stay here during the winter?”

“No,” he said. “The snow gets too deep. We can’t get supplies in. Like many Canadians, I go south for the winter.”

“Oh,” I said. “Where do you go?”

“Vermont.”

—David Richardson Hillsboro, Oregon

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